Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire A Parody
by Potterfan1232
Summary: Another one of the parody series! Full of humor! Based on the movie just with funny stuff and sarcasticness. This is the 4th one of the series. Rated T for swear words and crude humor.
1. The Riddle's House

_Hi guys! I'm back on the parodies now! Haven't you heard? Order of the Phoenix will be on theaters on July 11! When the DVD comes out, I'll write it but if I remember the whole thing by heart then I could write it on here.(Which is most unlikely going to happen.) Here it is guys! Goblet of fire!_

* * *

_A snake comes out of a pack of skulls and heads to the graveyard, to the Riddle's House, to a room._

Little Person I need that Potter's blood! I need it! I NEED IT!

Peter I heard you the first time.

Little Person ...shouldn't you be looking at Frank now?

_Frank is at his house making tea but sees the lights on the house._

Frank Sigh. Kids today. They are just annoying stuck ups! Oh I wish I could kick their ass! And then I'll kick them in the balls! _Leaves the house with a lantern and walks to the Riddle's House._

Peter Perhaps if we eat a bunch of chocolate we'll get an idea!

Little Person NO! ...on a second thought why don't you buy some chocolate later.

Peter Okay sir!

Little Person Barty Crouch Jr. Here!

Barty Jr Yes sire?

Little Person Sir.

Barty Jr Bur?

Little Person SIR!

Barty Jr Dur?

Little Person I am getting pissed!

Barty Jr Sorry sir.

Little Person I need you to turn into Alaster Moody using a Polyjuice Potion with his hair in it, take his clothes, teach the students the three Unforgivable Curses, and then turn the cup into a portkey and you'll get a dog treat!

Barty Jr You just told Harry the whole plan.

Little Person I DID!?

Barty Jr Yeah he's in a dream.

Little Person Ohhhhhhhhhh...oh to hell with that!

_Nagini comes into the room._

Nagini There is that old caretaker right outside the room eavesdropping on us and he also wet his pants.

Frank What the hell? How does that snake know! Up I did the devil! ...turn that into devils!

Little Person Oh. Say hi to him for me!

Nagini Oh please kill him!

Little Person Why?

Nagini Look. Fine then. Don't kill him. Just make him not alive anymore.

Little Person Well there's a big difference in that.

Frank Oh crap.

Little Person **AVADA KEDAVRA!**

Frank AH! _Spell misses._ HA! YOU MISSED!_ Spell backfires at the back of Frank's head. Frank dies._

_The tea kettle starts smoking that it's ready. A piece of fire jumps out of the place that heats things up and then burns the whole house down. Oh yeah and now back to the reality._

Harry NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

_Very short chapter. Hopefully the next one will be longer. I hope you enjoyed this so far. Thanks for reading and oh yeah! Reviews please! Feel free to see my other parodies or my James Bond one. Next chapter coming up shortly!_


	2. Irish vs Bulgarian

_Here's a longer chapter. Read and review! Can't wait for Deathly Hallows!_

* * *

_Harry is in his bed and sees Hermione._

Harry Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Hermione Harry! Take a deep breath and tell me what happened.

Harry Wait a minute! How am I here? Wasn't I suppose to be at my uncle's house?

_Awkward pause._

Harry How many chapters did we just skip?

Hermione Sigh. Still didn't read the books eh?

Harry I guess...

Hermione We skipped like 3 or 4 chapters. Now get up! We're about to leave! You two Ron!

Ron I'll spend time with you in 9 hours now let me sleep.

Harry _Shuts nightlight off._

Ron AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!_ Jumps out of bed._

Hermione Thanks Harry.

Harry No prob!

Ron You know what's good about Hermione here?

Harry What?

Ron She has funbags!

Hermione Oh shut up! _Kicks Ron in the balls._

Ron AW! Why did you kick me!? You should have kicked Rupert! _Takes out a teddy bear._

Harry You still sleep with that!?

Ron Hey! I'm only 14. Don't be so mean!

_Outside the Weasleys, Arthur, Hermione, and Harry are walking._

Ron Are we there yet?

Mr Weasley No.

Ron Are we there yet?

Mr Weasley No!

_They find Amos Diggory._

Mr Weasley Amos!

Amos Elmo!

Mr Weasley Wait what!?

Amos Isn't that your name?

Mr. Weasley No it's Arthur.

Amos Oh my mistake.

_Cedric falls off a tree and yells in pain._

Amos Oh shut up!

Hermione and Ginny He is so hot!

Harry and Ron (_Sarcatic) _Like we aren't.

Cedric (In his mind.) Oh these people are too ugly! I have to find someone that's even sexier than me! Which may not be anyone.

Mr Weasley Hello Cedric!

Cedric Buzz off!

Amos He didn't take his pills.

_They find this boot._

Harry Wow. A boot. Okay where is this Quidditch?

George We're taking the boot!

Fred That'll do all the work for us!

Harry Wait a minute. Where did you get it?

Fred Well we got it like this.

_Flashback_

_Two homos are making out. Suddenly Fred and George jumps into the room._

Fred Give me the boot!

_The homo throws a boot at them._

George Hey thanks! Um you could go back to making out.

_Flashback ends_

Harry Oh...

Amos Get on the portkey! 1!

Harry I'm not putting my hands on that.

Amos 2!

Harry _Trips on a rock and touches the boot._ Damn! I shouldn't have put glue on my hand.

Amos 3! _Amos farts._

Everybody SICK!

_Suddenly they're in the air._

Mr Weasley LET GO!

Children What!?

Amos Are you bloody deaf? LET GO!

_Everyone except Harry lets go._

Harry I would let go but there's glue on me.Wait! I've got an idea! _Takes out a knife and scrapes the glue off. Now he falls down._

_Everybody except Cedric, Amos, and Mr Weasley falls down on body. Not foot._

Mr Weasley Here it is! The Quidditch World Cup!

_An Irish comes out of nowhere and almost hits the gang._

Harry Hey! Come back here bastard! Afraid of me?

Mr Weasley Let's go to the tent. See ya Amos.

Amos And to you Dumbass!

Mr Weasley Arthur.

Harry What this is where we live!? A small tent! _Walks in._

_At the tent._

Harry Hmm. It looks bigger here than the other size. Bad animation people.

Mr Weasley Ron. We all are virgins like you so don't have sex with Hermione!

George YOU'RE A VIRGIN!?

Mr Weasley Yeah we adopted you.

Everybody _Mouth open._

Mr Weasley What?

_At the Quidditch World Cup._

Ron Where's the Popcorn!?

Harry They didn't have popcorn.

_Ron starts crying._

Ron Where's the Cotton Candy?

Hermione All out.

_Ron starts crying more._

Bagman SHUT THE HELL UP PEOPLE!!!

_Everybody is shocked._

Bagman Oh. You heard me in public...well eh heh...is there any pills? Here's Irish!

Everybody YAY!!!!!

_Fireworks are everywhere creating a leprichaun._

Bagman Wait! There's Bulgarian!

_Bulgarian comes out of nowhere._

Bagman There's Krum!

Girls Oh he is so sexy! Sexier than Cedric.

Cedric I idolize him!

Harry Who's he?

Ron Oh he's sexy Krum! God I'd like make out with him.

Bagman Just let the match go. _Sends out a spell._

_Back at the tent._

Harry That was sooooo boring.

Ron Yeah I know!!!

Hermione I think Victor Krum is HOT!

Ginny I concur.

Ron Oh he is dead sexy.

_Everybody stares at Ron._

Harry Okay then you have to be a great kisser, strong, smart, use magic good, play quidditch good, play chess good, get a good tux, or dress if you want, act like a homo, and be hot!

Ron OKAY! GOTCHA!

Mr Weasley Get out! The Death Eaters are here!

George Pff yeah right!

Fred It's not like the tent will blow down.

_The tent suddenly blows down._

Everybody OKAY...RUN!!!

_Everybody runs like maniacs. Skull masked people starts coming in destroying everybody._

Harry Ooh! A penny! _Runs to the penny._

Hermione Harry! Come back!

Harry I'll be there sweetie! _The penny disinigrates._ AW MAN! _Somebody kicks Harry on the face._

_Harry wakes up seeing no one is here except for a man._

Man You can't see me!

Harry Hell yeah I can! YOU"RE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

Man Oh. _Takes a step back. _Now you can't!

Harry Go back more.

Man _Takes a step back._ HA! You can't see me!

Harry _Pause._ _Sarcastically. _Yeah I can't see you.

Man **MORSMORDRE!** _A skull with a snake appears._ And I take my leave. Oh yeah and lose some weight._ Runs away._

_Distant people are shouting. Hermione and Ron comes out of nowhere._

Ron Where were you?

Harry _Sarcastically._ In London. HELL NO! I WAS HERE!

Ron Oh no! He's emo! AH!!!!! _Screams like a girl._

Harry Piss off bastard!

Hermione You're not emo until book 5!!!

Harry Oh why don't you just die already!?

Ministry of Magic people **STUPEFY!** _Red spells almost hits Harry, Ron, and Hermione._

Arthur Keep going! Keep going and kill them!

Ron DAD!!!

Arthur What? Wait stop!

_Everybody stops except for Crouch which used a spell that missed Ron by an inch._

Arthur **Stupefy!** _A red smoke comes out._ Damn.

Crouch What happened boy?

Harry Nothing! Just something.

Crouch What the beep!? Huh? Where that beep come from when I said beep! Anyway. Who conjured that thing? _Points at skull._

Ron I'M INNOCENT! HARRY DID IT!?

Harry Did what?

Hermione That's the Dark Mark it's his mark.

Harry Voldemort?

Crouch Azkaban.

Arthur Wait! He's too young to conjure that up!

Crouch He said him.

Arthur Ooohhh...he's too young to go to jail!

Harry Wait there was someone there!

Crouch Who?

Harry A man.

Crouch Well that helped us a lot.

_Everybody walks away._

Hermione Who was it?

Harry Pff! I don't know, Barnie? Let's just go.

* * *

_Here it is. I won't be able to type for the next three days because I'll be visiting Canada. Unless my hotel has computers I guess you're gonna have to wait for updations. Thank you for reading this chapter!_


	3. Triwizard Tournament

_New chapter! I'm back from my very fun trip. I will update more chapters now. I hope you enjoy this chapter. ! I also seem to notice that the words are getting smaller because in my last story if I wrote this much it would be like 800 words but this is only like 500. It's pretty weird. Anybody got an idea about that? Anyway here it is. ENJOY!_

* * *

_In the train._

Harry I'd like a-

Cho 2 pumpkin pasties please.

Trolley Here you go.

Ron Licorich Wand and a pack of droobles. On the second thought I'll take the whole cart using Harry's money!

Harry What the hell!? That's not-_looks at Cho._ Oh she is damn sexy. Gotta make out with her!

Cho AHHH!!! HELP!

_In the Great Hall._

Dumbledore We are going to hold a Triwizard Tournament this year! Every 4 years it is held!

Harry Wait a minute! Why wasn't it held in my first year?

Dumbledore Because the book would be too damn confusing.

Harry The book?

Dumbledore Read the book! Anyway. In the Triwizard Tournament, people dies. Once you enter you can never turn back. You must stay. We'll all have one champion from 3 schools. Luckily the Triwizard Tournament will be held here.

Everybody BOO!!!!! _Throws tomatoes._

Dumbledore And everyday we get free ice cream!

Everybody YAY!!!

Dumbledore But only shit flavor!

Everybody BOO!

Dumbledore And many others!

Everybody YAY!!!!!

Dumbledore And here's Beauxbaton!

_Girls in blue clothings walks in doing sighs at boys. One does it at Ron._

Ron I'm in love. Kiss me Harry.

Harry AHH!!! HELP! I'M GETTING RAPED! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

_A big woman walks in._

Dumbledore We must welcome their Headmistress too, Madame Maxime.

_Silence._

Ron Yay?

Madame Maxime _Sticks middle finger at Ron. Then she walks up to Dumbledore. _I want to make out with you at 12:00 AM sharp or else you will die!

Dumbledore Of course. Here's Durmstrang!

_Mens starts walking with canes and grunting and doing cool tricks. One of them blows a phoenix made of fire. Victor Krum walks in._

Ron Oh my god! It's Victor Krum. MARRY ME!!!

Dumbledore _Hugs the headmaster, Igor Karkaroff. _Hello old friend!

Igor Hello. _Takes out a pocket knife but then his phone suddenly starts ringing._ Goddamn it.

Dumbledore Now the Goblet of Fire chooses the champions. _Takes out a small goblet._

Everybody THAT THING!?

Dumbledore Yes and you win the Triwizard Cup! _Takes out a small cup._ With 1000 Galleons.

Fred and George I'm going for that!!!

Dumbledore But only the 17 year olds gets to enter.

Fred and George What the hell!?

Dumbledore Oh yeah and we got a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

_A man then enters. He has one artificial eye, a wooden leg, and a whole chunk of his nose got off. Suddenly a thunderstorm starts. He uses a spell to stop it. He then walks up to Dumbledore and drinks something from his flask._

Ron What is that?

Harry It has to be beer. Moody is an alcoholic right.

Ron Oh yeah. But is it? What if it's polyjuice potion?

Harry Pff yeah right! It's like Moody transformed into another guy!

_Moody changes into someone._

Moody Uh oh! _Takes a dose of polyjuice potion._

Dumbledore Hello Alaster!

Moody Oh shut up you idiot!

Dumbledore Anyway, erm...yeah so on Halloween the cup will choose our winner so thank you, good bye, and shut the hell up!

* * *

_Yeah so this chapter was more of Dumbledore's talking instead of the trios. Well I guess it wasn't that funny but good anyway. Please review my story. Next chapter will be coming up! Stay tuned please! Oh yeah and thanks to all the reviewers for saying nice reviews. _


	4. DADAMoody's Style

_Yeah so here's a new chapter. I tried remembering what happened next in the movie and tried to borrow it on DVD but the library didn't have it!(A lot of help from them.) I hope this was the scene that came up next. If it isn't, tell me on the reviews. Okay. Good. Here it is._

* * *

_In Defense Against Dark Arts._

Moody My name is Professer Moody, your new Defense Against the Dark Ark teacher. _Writes an unneat writing and suddenly the chalk breaks._ GRR! WHAT A CHEAP CHALK! Anyway I will teach you and that's all, good bye! Any questions?

Harry How did you-

Moody WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT GOOD BYE!!!???

_Harry is stoned._

Moody Um...let's start with Unforgivable Curses.

Hermione But they're illegal.

Moody Oh what was that?

Hermione They're illeg-

Moody WHA???

Hermione They're i-

Moody Can't hear you! Anything else? No? Good!

Hermione _To Ron. _I have a feeling that he's evil.

Ron No way. That's impossible to think that!

Moody If you people think that I'm evil then there is no way you are right!

Ron Told you.

Moody Anyway. Why are these spells unforgivable?

Hermione Because, they are unforgivable. If you use them they send you a one way ticket to Azkaban.

Moody Wrong! They are unforgivable because they are such sweet spells! Best one ever! I use them myself.

_Everybody's eyes are wide opened._

Moody Oops.Um how many curses are there?

Hermione There is three sir.

Moody Really!? I didn't know. Um...let's just start. _Takes out a spider._ Come on girl! **Engorgio!** _Spider gets bigger._ What's the first spell Mr Weasley? Wait it's Mrs Weasley.

Ron Yeah that's right. Wait a minute! Nevermind actually . Um...Um...Um...I-I-I...um. Impeter, Impejor, Imlukeskywalker, um... Ipecac, Imwest, ImfamilyGuy, ImHarryPotter, Impoo um...

_3 hours later._

_Everyone is asleep._

Ron I GOT IT! IMSTUPID!

Moody Oh god damn that bastard! **IMPERIO! **_Moves the spider around. Moves it to Ron's hair._

Ron Oh oh oh!

_Everybody's laughing hysterically._

_Moody moves it to Parvati. Parvati breathes heavily. Malfoy starts laughing._

Moody Think it's so funny? _Moves it to Malfoy's nose._

Malfoy _Inhales and then screams like a girl._ Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!

Moody Should I push it in the window. _Pushes it in the window. _Drown itself. _Nearly drowns the spider. _Wouldn't be so funny if it was you. Imperio is a terrible curse. It controls the person. Well actually that makes it a good curse! Um what's his name again? Shortbottom?

Nevile Longbottom!

Moody Whatever! Next curse?

Neville Cruciatus Curse.

Moody Ah the one that killed your parents.

Neville Don't say that in public!!!

Moody Too late! Anyway. **CRUCIO!** _The spider starts twitching and screaming. Neville shuts his eyes in despair. The spider twitches louder._

Hermione STOP IT! YOU'RE SCARING HIM!

Moody _Moves spider to Hermione's desk._ Wanna tell us the next curse?

_Hermione nods. Then shook her head. Then nod and then shook._

Moody I don't give a crap! **Avada Kedavra!** _Green jet hits Spider and kills it._ The killing curse. One person was known to survive by it, and he's right here in this room.

Harry Yeah!!! That's me! Oh yeah! Uh huh! Mwa! Yeah that's right! Oh yeah! Uh huh! WHOO!!!

_Everybody stares at Harry._

Harry No encore?

Ron _To Hermione_. What's encore?

Hermione _Sighs._

Moody Dismissed!

_After DADA._

Ron That was fun! **Avada Kedavra!** _Small sparks appears._ Damn!

Harry Hey look at Neville.

_Neville is staring at a mirror._

Moody _Comes down. _Alright Neville? Come up I got something to show you. It is totally not something that Harry will need for the second task later. _Neville follows Moody._

Harry Cool.

Hermione Wow. Moody being nice.

Harry What do you mean? He's always nice!

* * *

_Short chapter eh? Oh well no matter. When I borrow the DVD from the library I'll update a lot faster! Okay! We got a deal. Can't wait for Deathly Hallows! 3 days only! Come on! Come on! Please review!_


	5. And the Champions Are!

_I just got Deathly Hallows on July 21! I am so proud! It is so good! I'm not done quite yet but I'll finish it. Oh yeah and now I will absolutely NOT put on jokes of Harry gonna die or won't die. I won't ruin the story. He might die he might not die. I'm not sure yet! I didn't finish the whole book yet! Anyway I tried to remember what happened next and I think it's this. I hope it is. Enjoy!_

* * *

_In the place of Goblet of Fire is in._

Harry Wow I wish I could put my name in that goblet.

Ron Pff yeah and you'll just mysteriously going to be chose because Moody put your name in! Yeah right!

Harry You might be right.

_Cedric and his gang pushes Cedric in the Age Line._

Cedric You expect me to enter!?

Gang Like we rehearsed. Put your name in! Put your name in! C-E-D-R-I-uh what comes up next?

Cedric Was that part of the song?

Gang Um uh oh yeah uh huh. Oh yeah! -K!

Cedric Hey you spelled my name right! Say why does this parchment have a c at the end? **_Cedric_**. I'm not entering. _Trips on a rock and accidently throwed his parchment into the goblet._ NOOOOO!!!!!!!

Everybody YAY!!!!!

Hermione How could he not know how to spell his name?

Harry Well he IS an idiot!

Ron That's dead hot!

_Everybody stares at Ron._

Ron What?

_Fred and George appears._

Fred We are entering!

George Damn right we are!

Fred Age Line? That can't stop us!

George Nothing can!

Both Well maybe Percy's singing can!

Fred Too bad he's not here!

Both Together. _Takes a dose of aging potion._

Hermione It's not gonna work!

George Oh yeah? Why's that missy?

Hermione See that? It's an age line. _Points at a line._

Fred The aging potion will help.

_Both of them jumps in._

Both AH HAH! TOLD YOU SO! _Put's parchment in and is blasted by blue flames._

Hermione HAH TOLD YOU SO!

_Fred and George are old men._

Fred You said!

George You said!

_They both starts beating the hell out of each other. Victor appears out of nowhere. Everybody gasps. Victor puts his name in._

Victor I did it? I did it? I Did it! I DID IT! GO ME! GO ME! _Starts doing the worm._

Ron AH! He's so hot!

Harry Who would you choose from Ron? Victor or Cedric?

Ron Um uh hmm. That's a good question! Maybe uh...God damn it! Cedric is sexy but Victor is sexy too! Damn it!

Harry How about me?

Ron You're my gay lover! Remember in the train on parody 3?

Harry Yeah but I gave you to Malfoy for 12 sickles.

Ron He sold me to me and I'm giving a free give away to you.

Harry Damn.

_At the Great Hall._

Dumbledore Now for the time you've been waiting for! May I add that once you enter, you can't turn back. You will also-

Everybody BOO! JUST GET ON WITH IT!

Dumbledore Oh who the hell cares about this shit!? The winner in Beauxbaton is Fleur Delacore!

_An anorexic girl walks up._

Harry HEY SHE'S MARRIED WITH ME!

Ron NOOO! It's Bill maybe.

Harry YOU READ THE BOOKS!?

Ron No Bill actually does. He told me.

Harry Oh.

Dumbledore The champion for Durmstrang is Victor Krum!

_A musceled man walks up._

Harry Wow look at him!

_Krum punches a hufflepuff boy for no reasons._

Harry Think it's steroads?

Ron I don't even know what that is but his muscles!

Dumbledore Hogwarts champion is Cedric Diggory!

_Cedric walks up._

Dumbledore Yay! That's it for today! Champions please-

_Another name comes out._

Dumbledore Harry potter?

Moody _Whistles innocently._

Harry Wow I won!!!

Someone Your not even 17 yet!

Harry _Sticks his middle finger at the guy. _Your not even 14, first year!

Dumbledore _Harry walks up to him._ Harry Potter, good job! Nice thing! Hope you don't die in the tournament! I hope you also-wait a minute...are you 17 yet?

Harry Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...no.

Dumbledore WHAT THE HELL? HOW COULD YOU ENTER! GET INSIDE THE FRICKEN TROPHY ROOM!

_Inside the Trophy room._

Dumbledore Did you put your name in the goblet.

Harry What the hell!? No I didn't!

Dumbledore Well how did you enter?

Harry I fricken don't know now leave me alone!

Dumbledore No you leave me alone!

_Awkward silence._

Harry That didn't really even make sense at all.

Crouch Well your gonna have to enter.

Harry YAY!

Dumbledore You might die in the tournament!

Harry AHHH!!!!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!

_After the talk._

McGonagall Albus, he's just a boy! Not a piece of meat!

Dumbledore Not to dinosaurs.

Snape So he's entering? If he is then that's good.

Moody Please please please let him enter! Let him enter.

McGonagall Albus you can't let him enter.

Dumbledore Can't, the goblet has forbid it.

McGonagall You can't do this Albus.

Dumbledore Well the vote on letting him enter won so he is entering! That's that! _puts memory into a bowl._

_In the boy's dormitory._

Ron How'd you do it?

Harry Do what?

Ron Oh don't worry! Don't tell your gaylover.

Harry I should tell Neville.

Ron Wrong.

Harry Oh yeah Malfoy.

Ron Try again.

Harry Seamus? It has to be. Is it?

Ron NO! ME!

Harry I didn't enter! What just happened! Just happened. I don't want eternal glory. Actually I really do. Thank you for entered me!

Ron Piss off bastard. Yeah I'm emo right now!

Harry I thought I was supposed to be emo.

Ron Not anymore. Ah ha ha ha. HA HA HA! MWA HA HA HA HA!

Harry I think I should wait untill parody 5.

* * *

_Very long chapter. I know that this was not that funny but I haven't got time to think of jokes and was lacking in updation. Anyway I hope you liked this chapter. Oh yeah and get Deathly Hallows. It's a very very very good book so far. I hope the library has this on DVD. It better or I'm gonna go mad! Please review this story._

_P.S. Thank you for the people that already reviewed. Keep reviewing please!_


	6. The Interview and Sirius

_Here's a new chapter. I think this is right. Tell me if I left out any scenes in my other chapters until I get the DVD from the library. Oh yeah and thank you for all those reviews you people gave me! I appreciate it a lot. Keep reviewing please to make me happy!_

* * *

_In an interview with Rita Skeeter._

Rita You know why I'm here?

Harry Er for us to be raped?

Rita Nope! Try again!

Krum Too make me take exercises and quit steroids?

Rita OH! So it is true! **_Our Durmstrang champion,_** _**Krum, your trusty quidditch player takes steroids.**_

Krum Wait! NO! TAKE THAT OUT!

Harry Damn this girl is so fricken annoying!

Rita Any tries to guess why I'm here Fleur?

Fleur Erm maybe to-

Rita Hold that thought. You are anorexic?

Fleur Well no. I eat 3 servings a day. I'm only skinny because I'm fren-

Rita GREAT! HERE'S A HOT DOG! 30 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK TO EAT THE WHOLE THING!

Fleur But-

Rita GO!

_Fleur is eating the hot dog as fast as she can._

Rita Oh! Times up. What only 2 inches? This is a foot long! You are too late and have failed. **_Your girl champion, Fleur has just eaten a foot long hot dog and has only eaten 2 inches of it. This proves that she is anorexic._**

Fleur That is not true! STOP!

Rita And you Cedric?

Cedric It's CEDRIK! SEE A K!

Rita Hmm. **_Damn sexy champion, Cedric does not even know how to spell his name. Isn't that very sad._**

Cedric Oh what was that you wrote?

Rita Oh nothing at all. Who should I interview first?

Krum NOT ME!

Fleur NOT ME!

Cedric NOT ME!

Harry NOT-OH SON OF A FRICKEN-

Rita Okay Harry! Come on!

Harry _Rita drags Harry away._ HELP ME!!!

Cedric Do you think he'll live?

Fleur Are you crazy? Not from her?

Krum He's doomed! Too bad we can't save him now.

Fleur We should practice about saying "not me" until she comes back.

Cedric Good idea! Okay 1-2-3!

Krum Not me!

Fleur Not me!

Cedric Not-oh this is shit!

_In a broom cupdourd._

Rita This looks like a comfy place!

Harry Er it's a broom cupboard. It's sort of a place where I found out Dumbledore drinks in.

_Dumbledore comes with a bottle of grog._

Dumbledore Ah. Alone time from those annoying kids. _Takes a drink and sees Harry and Rita. _Ah!!!!! _Runs away._

Rita Anyway, how do you feel in the Triwizard Tournament?

Harry That I'm proabably gonna die.

Rita Don't mind this quick quote pen. **_Our Hogwarts champion,Harry Potter, 12 years old, says he may die. He is a hideous looking boy._**

Harry Erm is that it?

Rita Oh no! You have a feeling that your other 12 year old friends will be happy when you die?

Harry Um they're 14.

Rita _Doesn't hear him. _BRILLIANT! **_He thinks that his friends will have a party with him dead._** So can you see your mom and dad looking up on you?

Harry Hey my glasses doesn't tell the past.

Rita Whatever. Wanna hear what I have so far?

Harry Hell of a man NO!

Rita Great! I knew you'd be interested! **_Our Durmstrang champion,_** **_Krum, your trusty quidditch player takes steroids. Your girl champion, Fleur has just eaten a foot long hot dog and has only eaten 2 inches of it. This proves that she is anorexic. Damn sexy champion, Cedric does not even know how to spell his name. Isn't that very sad. Our Hogwarts champion,Harry Potter, 12 years old, says he may die. He is a hideous looking boy. He thinks that his friends will have a party with him dead._** This'll make the front page!

_In the Gryffindor Common Room._

Harry Lets see what this says. _**Krum takes steroids, **muttering muttering muttering,** Fleur is anorexic,** Muttering muttering muttering,** Cedric doesn't know how to spell his name,** muttering muttering muttering,_ I'm 12 years old and may die. HOLD ON! TWELVE!? I'M 14! THIS IS CRAP! _Throws paper at a fireplace._

Fire Cough cough!

Harry Huh?

_Harry walks over to the fire. He sees Sirius's face._

Sirius I haven't got much time but Harry, tell me, did you put your name in that cup?

Harry Why the hell does everybody ask me that!? NO!

Sirius Harry, you know it's not good to swear!

Harry What? I always cuss! What the hell is how I get people's attention alot. Sort of like my catch phrase.

Sirius Harry! You are in great danger! People dies in that tournament! You might die to! Be careful! You need a plan for the tournament Harry or you'll die surely!

Harry I'm not ready for this yet!

Sirius Don't worry. If you read the books it says that-

Harry SHH!!! You'll ruin the story for everyone!

Sirius Oh sorry people! Anyway please don't die! So how you doin?

Harry Not bad. Haven't used the firebolt yet but not bad.

Sirius You know there's a spell you could use on the dragon-

Harry Wait what?

Sirius Up nothing! I have to go now Harry bye!

Harry Wait but what's the spell?

_Ron appears._

Ron Whatcha doin Harry?

Harry Nothing.

Ron Yeah probably practicing for your interview.

Harry Um yeah! Uh huh Ron! That's right! Great job! I'm 14 years old and this is my second greatest interview! Yeah Rita is the greatest _whispers in a low voice._ Well actually she's a very annoying woman that I hate so fricken much! _Normal voice._ I will live for my third interview. If I don't Rita will promise to go to my grave and ask about an interview about how it feels being dead. That's right she really will. Rita's gonna have to interview other people because we out of time. HERE'S KRUM!

Ron Maybe you're just happy that you're gonna get eternal glory.

* * *

_This was VERY funny! I think that at least. I think remember more now without the DVD but if I have a chance on borrowing it, I will use it. Yeah this chapter is a very long one. Yes it is. So anyway, my next chapter should be coming up shortly. Thank you for reading this chapter. Yeah and don't forget to review._


	7. Hungarian Horntail and a Ferret

_Here's a new chapter! It has so many scenes! It is a funny one I think. I think you'll find it enjoyable. My story's coming out so good! Keep reviewing people! It makes me really really really happy! Here's the new LONG chapter!_

* * *

_At the lake._

Harry _Reading a book._ Wow facsinating! Eww! Wolf Spider!

Neville EMM! EMM! YUM!

Harry Neville! You're doing it again!

Neville Oh sorry.

Harry What is that your even eating?

Neville Why it's frog shit.

Harry UGH! _Starts throwing up._

Neville And ipecac! Here take a sip!

_Harry drinks ipecac. Neville takes the ipecac too._

Harry I feel funny.

Neville AH don't worry.

_15 minutes later._

_Harry and Neville is vomiting everywhere._

Harry WEEEAHHH!!! _Pukes on the tree we was sitting on._

Neville AAWAAAAHHH!!! _Pukes on flowers which suddenly dies._

Both EWAH!!! _Pukes on the grass which disingrates._

Harry I need water! A cup of water! AHWAH!!! _Pukes on the rocks which turns into sand. He goes toward the lake but Neville pukes on the lake and drinks the lake._ AHHH!!! AHHH!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!! KKKYYAAA!!! _Pukes on the tree again which then melts down._

_Ron, Ginny, and Hermione appears. Harry and Neville looks up on them from the floor._

Both UGLYNESS!!! WWWRRRAAA!!! _Pukes onto Ron, Hermione, and Ginny._

Harry I think it's done. I think it's- AWAH!!! _Pukes on Ron._

Ginny I just took a fricken shower!

Hermione Ronald here told me that Parvati told Dean who told Seamus who told Ron that-er. What am I supposed to say?

Ron _Low voice._ to go to Hagrid.

Hermione Oh to go to Hagrid.

Harry Tell him to get a girl.

Hermione _Runs to Ron._ Harry says to get a girl.

Ron Tell Harry that I already have a girl! It's Hermione.

Hermione Ron says that he already has a girl! It's me!

Harry tell him that you're mine!

Hermione _Pant pant._ Harry says _wheeze!_ That I'm his. Oh son of a I'm not an owl!!!

_Harry and Hagrid is in the Forbidden Forest._

Harry Should we even be here?

Hagrid Who cares of what the school thinks!? I don't even care.

Harry Hagrid? Did you comb your hair? YOU EVEN SHOWERED!?

Hagrid Keeps the flower alive. Haha! The first disinigrated from my bad smell.

Harry Is that so...you even smell terrible even with the shower.

Hagrid Well at least the flower is alive. The cloak put it on!

_Harry gets under the invisibility cloak._

Madame Maxime Hagrid! I thought you forgot about me and-wait!? WHAT'S THAT?

Hagrid What's what?

Madame Maxime THAT! _Points at the flower._

Hagrid It's a flower I got for you!

_Harry starts putting a yuck-this-is-disgusting face._

Madame Maxime Oh how sweet. So what's the surprise?

Hagrid Come and follow me!!!

_They behind a bush._

Hagrid It's this! _Opens bush up and there are 4 dragons in a cage. A Norwegian Ridgeback, Chinese Fireball, Green Welsh, and the Hungarian Horntail._

Madame Maxime MY GOD! Is that the first task?

Hagrid Yup it is.

Madame Maxime Um gotta dash! _Runs away quickly._

Harry Okay why was she in such a hurry?

Hagrid I don't know.

Harry DRAGONS!? THAT'S THE FIRST TASK?

Hagrid Yeah. Didn't Ron tell you that?

Harry No. He didn't tell me anything.

_At Hogwarts everyone is wearing **Support Cedric Diggory **badges that then shows **Potter Stinks** and shows Harry green and melts._

Harry OOH WHAT'S THE GOSSIP!?

Cedric I'm handing out badges want one?

Harry Okay! _Takes the badge. **POTTER STINKS!** _I DO NOT! Well maybe I do but that's because I was with Hagrid!

Ron _Walks in._ Yo idiot.

Harry Yeah I have something to tell you! Stay away from me!

Ron Fine. I sold myself to Dean. I'm trying to look for him. _Walks away._

Harry _When he tries looking for Cedric who has mysteriously vanished._ How'd he run away so quickly?

_Harry finds him with his friends._

Harry Cedric I have a word.

Cedric Yeah what is it?

Harry The first task. It's dragons.

Cedric Oh really?

Harry _Sarcastically._ No not really OF COURSE REALLY!

Cedric Look about the badges I didn't mean to-

Harry Your the one that gave them the badges!

Cedric Well yeah but-

Harry So technically you did mean it!

Cedric AH FRICK! _Walks away._

Malfoy Potter! I think you won't last 10 minutes in the first task. But my dad says you won't last 5.

Harry Oh. Well I'll only need a minute to finish the task. Your father is cruel and insane.

Malfoy No one says that about my father!

_Moody appears out of nowhere and turns Malfoy into a ferret._

Moody Think it's nice to be mean!? **IMPERIO!** _Puts Malfoy in Crabbe's pants. Goyle hits Crabbe in the balls with a sledgehammer and then kicks him there but instead just hits his balls. Then he starts throwing Malfoy in the air. McGonagall appears._

McGonagall Proffesor Moody! Is that a child?

Moody Marvolous isn't it?

McGonagall Let him go now!

Moody But-

McGonagall Oh you never let me have fun! _Turns Malfoy back into a human. Malfoy, Goyle, and Crabbe runs away._

Harry AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! THAT"S HYSTERICAL!

McGonagall I believe Dumbledore told you not to transform students into ferrets as a punishment!?

Moody Erm no. We were both sort of...drunk.

McGonagall What!? You mean Dumbledore's an alcoholic?

Moody Yeah that's about it.

McGonagall I gotta tell Dumbledore! _Walks away._

Moody POTTER! With me.

Harry Oh shit.

_In Moody's office._

Moody I can't believe tranformed him back into himself.

Harry I can't either.

Moody So what's gonna be your plan in the first task? Have a talent?

Harry Well um on singing I guess. I even made a song up. POTTER POTTER! Go Potter! I'm hot!! I'm-

Moody ARGH! STOP!

Harry Well there's dancing. _Does the hula hula._

Moody Anything else?

Harry Well flying is good but-

Moody ALRIGHT THEN USE THAT IDEA!

* * *

_Wow this a long chapter. I loved the ipecac scene. It was my most favorite scene in this whole thing. And now for what you all were waiting for! The First Task! Next chapter. Oh yeah and ipecac is a syrup medication that makes you vomit. Don't take it unless you have poison in you. Yeah just telling to people that doesn't know what it is._


	8. The First task  The Dragon

_Wow! Three chapters in one day! I'm pumped! I want reviews people so please give me reviews. Now for a fun chapter with action! The First Task!_

* * *

_In a tent._

Harry So I'll just go with the flow if my broom breaks or fails! Yeah I'll just punch the dragon that it'll die! Yeah! POW POW! Want more!? WANT MORE!? HYAH!

Hermione Harry.

Harry AHHHHH!!! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING THERE?

Hermione Just saying. First you have to get the egg and then-

Harry Dance with the dragon?

Hermione No you idiot! Fight it!

Harry Oh hell no! That big thing! No way!

Hermione Then how are you gonna live?

Harry When I get the egg then I'll just run away. Or maybe become dragon food.

Hermione Harry! I'm so scared! _Hugs Harry._

_FLASH!!!_

Rita This'll surely make the front page. 2 students hugging each other! Ah isn't that sweet?

Krum This Triwizard Tournament is for friendship _Low voice._ And steroids.

Rita OOH muscular man! _Flash._ Hope you make the front page! If you don't I'll still have the money anyway so it wouldn't really matter!Toodles!

_Crouch, Dumbledore, Madame Maxime, Karkaroff appears._

Dumbledore Champions come-Hermione what are you doing here? Oh I understand! Making out with Harry! You'll have to wait until the first task ends that is unless he lives. If he dies you still have me with you!

Hermione Oh um that's hot..._Runs away as fast as she can._

Crouch Champions! Come and choose a model of the dragon gonna face from this pouch. Fleur.

Fleur _Takes out a small green dragon. _Wow.

Crouch Common Welsh! OOH! Krum.

Krum This'll be easy. _Takes out a model of Chinese Fireball._ OW! IT BIT ME!

Crouch Your turn Cedric.

Cedric _Takes out a Norwegian Ridgeback._ It looks hot but not as much like me.

Crouch Harry.

Harry Ah frick the Hungarian Horntail.

Crouch What's that?

Harry NOTHING! _Takes out a model of the Hungarian Hortail Dragon._ Aw shit. Wait! I just have to fight this piece of crap? OKAY! _Smashes the dragon._

Crouch The task is to get the egg from the dragon. Not kill your model Mr Potter. Simple as that.

Harry Oh my god that is so fricken hard.

Crouch Cedric, your up.

Cedric My hotness will kill the dragon.

Harry Yeah yeah yeah. Have fun.

_After a few minutes._

Harry Aw shit. I'm up. I was just having a good snoose. ONLY 30 MINUTES PAST!? This is going to be quick.

_Harry is in the field and sees the egg only 4 yards away from him._

Harry This is easy. _Runs toward but then suddenly the Hungarian Horntail appears._

Dragon Roar! Roar! Roar!

_Dragon tries to eat Harry but Harry dodges. The Dragon hits Harry hard on a nearby rock. The dragon breathes fire at him but Harry hides behind a rock._

Harry Why won't anyone fricken help me.

Hermione Use your fricken wand you idiot!

Harry My wand should help. I wonder how I got that idea. **ACCIO FIREBOLT!** And I just wait.

_Dragon continues breathing fire._

_The firebolt appears. Harry jumps on but the firebolt moves away for fun. Harry falls onto the ground hard._

Harry I'm gonna get fricken eaten by a dragon so let me go on.

_Harry gets on the firebolt before turning into soot. Harry starts flying away in a place with trees. The dragon tries following and breaks free from the chain and follows Harry. Harry dodges the dragon from its fireball and weaves away from its bite that would've killed Harry._

Harry Wow this doesn't seem so hard. _Smacks himself on a tree branch and nearly falls off but gets back on._

_Harry starts yelling from the speed of the firebolt and finds himself in Hogwarts castle. He finds that the dragon has stopped chasing him._

Harry Yeah! Don't try eating me today!

_Harry tries finding a way back to the field with the egg but is lost and doesn't know where to go. He looks everywhere and gets smacked by the dragon and falls off his broom. He lands somewhere on a window and sees the broom. He tries reaching for it but can't. The dragon tries looking for him so that it could eat him. Harry continues trying to get his broom. The dragon comes closer to him. Harry nearly falls off._

Harry Somebody help me! Anyone inside the window? Damn. They're all at the first task. HEELLLPPP!!!

_The dragon soon finds Harry. Harry grips onto the tip of the broom. The dragon smashes the window which made Harry fall. Harry quickly gets on his broom before getting killed. The dragon breathes fire at the tip of Harry's broom. Harry goes through a small opening. The dragon tries going through but then hits the small opening and falls down._

Harry Yeah you bastard! I'm not going to be eaten today! HUH!

_At the first task place._

Ron Wow this is a lot of fun. We barely get to watch anything happening. This really sucks for me.

Hermione My bet was really teriible that Harry would live. He probably is dead now.

_Harry comes back._

Hermione YAY! I WON THE BET! Say where's Fred and George.

Harry _Reaches for the Golden Egg._ YES! I WON! YES! I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THAT I WON!

* * *

_This chapter was more action than humor but it was fun to read. wow I wrote too much today. THREE chapters is like herding sheeps three times a day! (No I do not live in a farm.) I hope you enjoyed this. Keep reviewing!_


	9. Ask out Girls?

_Here's a new chapter my fans! I like that you people have reviewed! Keep up the reviews and I'll keep up the story! This chapter is going to be so long! Keep reviewing! Here is the chapter! _

_P.S. I'm sure I didn't forget any scenes but tell me if I did just in case. If I did post it on the reviews._

* * *

_At the Gryffindor Common Room._

Harry YEAH! I survived! In your bleep! Face you Bleep! Dragon! YEAH!

_Everyone is surprised._

Harry What I'm fourteen! I could say whatever the hell I want! Besides this Triwizard Tournament is SO easy.

Hermione Harry, this is gonna be a LOT harder in the second task.

Harry Hermione you worry to much. The second task is so easy. I have a feeling.

Hermione You have gotta read the books! It is so much harder than task 2.

Dean Tell us the clue!

Harry Wait wait wait! Clue? Isn't this something like a gold nugget or egg to eat!? AW MAN!

Fred and George Oh shut up and tell us the fricken clue already!

Harry Who wants me to open it!

Everyone ME!

Harry Who wants me to open it!?

Everyone ME!

Harry Who the hell wants me to open it!??!!!

_Awkward pause._

Harry Yah I'll just open it. How do I open this anyway? Do I just crack it open? _Throws the egg at a nearby picture which ricocheted back to Harry's face. _You fricken egg! Don't try killing me! Hmm what's this little button?

_Harry opens the egg by pressing the button which starts screaming._

Egg AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!YEAH!!!

Everyone AH! OW! CLOSE IT!

_Harry closes it._

Ron What the bloody hell was that?

Harry It was yo face bastard! Yeah your face made it scream! If it wasn't for your face the egg would be singing good right now!

Hermione That's it! Work it out you two!

Ron Fine DR. SEUSS!

Hermione He's a writer!

Ron Oh crap! No wonder he didn't answer my medical note!

Hermione Just work the damn thing out! _Storms away._

_Awkward pause._

Harry So...watched Family Guy 2 days ago.

Ron The one where Brian and Stewie went to Austin while Lois tries to be sexy with Peter?

Harry That's about it.

Ron Yeah I watched it.

_Awkward Pause._

Harry Made out with anyone lately?

Ron Hermione gave up on me ever since we started fighting. It was pretty good having freedom actually. Okay no it wasn't. It really really really really sucks. I didn't have anyone to put my-

Harry Okay that's enough information. Oh and I made up with...no one.

_Another awkward pause._

Harry Yeah...want to forget this whole thing and take ipecac from my secret stash and barf at Malfoy in like 15 minutes?

Ron OKAY! LET'S BARF SO MUCH ON HIM THAT HE STARTS CRYING BACK HOME!

Harry Wait a minute! Why didn't you tell me about the dragons?

Ron I didn't know anything. I remember that Hagrid would always do dangerous stuff and pretended the Parvati told Seamus thing so that Hagrid would tell you about it.

Harry Wait hold on! THIS WAS A SET UP!

Ron Yeah cause I figured if I pretended not to be your friend you'd spend more time thinking about the first task than hanging out with me.

Harry Oh my god that is so smart by a fricken idiot like you! Let's take ipecac now! FIVE BOTTLES WITH NO WATER!

Ron Right on!

_The next day at the Great Hall._

Nigel Here's your present from your mom oh wise, strong, superb, fast, swift, smart, good disser, good kisser, man of the school, leader of the trio, owns a mansion, also known as Ron, Master Ronald Billius Weasley.

Ron Master GRAND Ronald Billius Weasley! That'll take your 100 percent name of Harry's signature down to 50 percent of his name.

Nigel NOOOO!! _Runs away._

Harry Who's the midget?

Ron Nigel. Promised him I'd give him your signature at the end of the year if he's my servant for one year.

_Ron opens up the present._

Ron A dress!? This must be Ginny's.

Ginny I'm not wearing that! I only wear clothes from Abercrombie!

Ron Oh yeah what about your Gryffindor robes?

Ginny Hey shut up!

Ron Nigel! _Nigel appears._ SNAP! _Nigel starts beating Ginny up._

Hermione Ron they're not Ginny's! They're yours! They're dress robes.

Ron WHAT!? WHAT FOR? A Yule Ball or something? Pff like that's ever gonna happen.

_Somewhere in a room._

McGonagall The Yule Ball has been a tradition for the Triwizard Tournament. It's where people dance. You have to ask people out like teenagers. Yeah so act now. Filch!

Filch I do what with this. Hmm...

Music YEAH! BOOGIE BOOGIE BOOGIE BOOGIE BOOGIE BOOGIE YEAH! BOOGIE BOOGIE BOOGIE YEAH! BOOGIE!

McGonagall No the Peanut Butter Jelly one.

Filch Oh. Alright. Where's Peanut Butter Jelly Time now? _Switches CD._

Music It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Where he at!? Where he at!? Where he at!? Where he at!? Yeah! There he go! There he go! There he go! There he go!

_Song continues._

McGonagall Ron! Come up and dance with my sexy body!

_Ron comes up and dances with McGonagall. Everybody starts laughing hysterically._

Neville Oh my god I'm motivated.

_Peanut Butter Jelly Time continues._

_Neville is dancing. Harry and Ron sees him. Hermione and Harry sees Victor Krum walking with his sexy girls. _

Harry So I gotta ask sexy girls out...OKAY! Now where's Cho Chang? Better yet where the hell am I right now? Hmm..._quietly runs away to find Cho._

* * *

_Not so funny chapter right? I don't think so. Yule Ball will be hysterical. At least I hope it will be funny. Oh yeah and I'll update the next chapter when I could remember what happens next because it's confusing on what happens next. Thank you for reading this chapter. Keep reviewings! No reviews will make me sad. Reviews makes me happy!_


	10. Yule Ball

_I FINALLY BORROWED THE DVD! No trouble now cause now I know what happens. I can't wait for Megaman Starforce Pegasus, Leo, and Dragon! I might consider getting Pegusus because you could freeze your enemies. Sorry for my randomness. Well anyway here's the chapter!_

* * *

_At Snape's Class._

Harry Asked any girls out yet?

Ron Well I asked out 552 girls. Soon they found out I asked other they dumped me and slapped me in the face. _Shows a big giant red mark on his cheek._

Harry You're supposed to ask only one girl!

Ron Really! Why didn't anyone tell me that!? Oh well. Looks like we're gonna be the only boys without dates.

Harry Well Neville doesn't have one. Then again he does. He could go out with himself.

_Snape slaps Harry and Ron with a book._

Hermione For your information Neville already got a date!

Ron Aw crap now I'm really depressed.

Harry Well at least I could go out with my hand.

Fred _Writes a note and gives to Ron._ Read it.

Ron **_Get a move on or or or..._**what does this say?

Harry **_Or the good ones will be gone_** dimwit!

Ron Well Hermione your a girl. Why don't you-

_Snape slaps Harry and Ron with the book again._

Harry What the hell did I do!?

Snape Um um um. You breathed in my class! How dare you!

Hermione Well for your information I've already got a date!

Ron I wasn't gonna ask your disgusting looks out! I'm asking McGonagall out. All I need to know is where she is.

Hermione What? She's WAY to old for you! _Gives work to Snape._

Harry Well how about this by tommorow we'll have a date. Agreed.

Ron Agreed.

_Snape pulls his sleeves and pushes their head down hard._

_At the Owlery._

Harry _Finds Cho._ Oh hiya Cho! Would you want to-

Cho What? Make out with you? Not unless Cedric dies!

Harry Hmm...I wonder. _Has a memory of Harry sneaking behind Cedric and cracking his neck._

Cho Anyway what is it?

Harry I was wondering if you wanted to go out to the ball with me.

Cho Um um um..._Runs away. 5 minutes later she comes back with 500 kiss marks on her. _Sorry Harry I already got a date.

Harry Aw crap! Who's the bastard you asked out!?

Cho Um...Harry?

Harry What!? How dare you Harry!? _Beats himself up. Soon he stops._ Wait a minute! That chick lied to me! Oh well.

_In the Gryffindor Common Ron comes back crying._

Harry Oh my god what happened?

Ron Fleur...Fleur...

Hermione Oh my god she said yes!

Ron No she didn't.

Ginny He actually screamed at her. A bit scary.

Ron I didn't want to fricken ask out Fleur! It was McGonagall I wanted but instead Malfoy led me to Fleur.

Harry _Sees the unpopular Patil twins._ Hey wait!

_At the Yule Ball._

Ron _He dresses up himself and sees Harry. _What are those?

Harry My dressrobes.

Ron Well their good! My is dead terrible!

Harry Well at least their better than that weird kid.

_A weird kid comes out of nowhere wearing a cool blue tux._

Harry Oh crap.

Ron I look like my Aunt Muriel! Sniff sniff. I smell like my Aunt Muriel. Murder me Harry.

Harry Yeah I would if only I had brought my pocket knife. Sigh. Too bad I forgot to. Did I bring my wand. Aw crap I didn't.

_In the Corridor. Padma starts barfing by Ron's look._

Padma Sorry I um ate too much yesterday! _Thought._ Holy shoot I'm gonna dance with him! I wish I was Pavarti. _Looks at Pavarti that's saying how sexy Harry looks._

Harry Yeah I know I'm SOOO!!! SEXY!!!

Pavarti Yeah look at your dress robes.

Harry I look so damn cool. _Looks at Cho and Cedric._ What the hell!? Cedric's out with Cho!

Pavarti She is like SOOO beautiful.

Harry Yeah I know and Cedric is extremely gonna be dead.

Pavarti What!? NO! Look at Hermione.

_Harry looks at Hermione with her pink dress and sees Krum going out with her._

Harry _Turns around to see Cedric but sees he's gone._ AW CRAP!!!

_McGonagall appears._

McGonagall You do know that champions has to be the first to go up to the dance right?

Harry No...

McGonagall Oh well now you know.

_At the Yule Ball._

_Krum and Hermione walks up, then a Ravenclaw dude with Fleur, then Cedric and Cho, than Harry and Pavarti. _

Pavarti Take my waste.

Harry Uh hell no.

Pavarti Take my waste!

Harry Okay okay okay!

_Everybody starts dancing. Harry spins Pavarti around the room and hits other people with her and then accidently through her away. Neville dances with Ginny as if they're gonna get married. Dumbledore dances with McGonagall like a teenager. Mad Eye looks around the room and starts dancing with his own leg. Then he drinks a juice. He spins his head like crazy._

Weird Sister Band EVERYBODY READY!?

_Everybody starts to dance like crazy. Ron does the robot and Harry does the worm. Neville continues dancing with Ginny like they're getting married when they're supposed to get crazy._

_After the dance Hermione sits with Harry and Ron._

Hermione Victor's getting me a drink. Care to join?

Ron We're not caring to join.

Hermione Fine then bastard! You with your ugly face and brain damage and and and...

Ron Very big idiot.

Hermione Yeah! And very big idiot!

Ron Your with the enemy.

Hermione The enemy? The tournament is to be Turn rude idiot! Wait a minute. TRI!

Ron That made no sense at all.

_Hermione runs away._

Padma Are you going to dance with me or not?

Ron Not.

_After the Yule Ball._

Hermione How could you be so mean?

Ron Me! You're with the enemy!

_Harry walks in._

Hermione Where were you?

Harry I was playing the-

Hermione Nevermind off to bed both of you!

Harry _Slowly._ Game Yatzee with Brian Griffin.

_Brian walks into the scene with a martini._

Brian Hey chick! Wanna like dance with me? Huh? Would that be nice? AHAHAHAHA!!_ Falls on his back._

Ron Don't mess with her.

Hermione You ruined everything! _The boys runs away. Hermione takes a shoe off her foot and runs away._

_Brian gets up._

Brian Hey you left your shoe chick! AHAHAHAHA!!! _Faints again._

_Very few people are still dancing. Hagrid gets sleepy and drops his arm but Madame Maxime puts it back up to her waste._

* * *

_Not that funny. The Brian Griffin scene is what I liked. The dance was hard to describe. Very hard. Anyway I hoped you liked this chapter. Keep reviewing please people! Okay! Okay. That's good._


	11. The Clue of the Egg

_Hello everybody! Here's a new chapter! Getting near to the second task are we? YAY!!! I can't wait for the next chapter. I've got to think of good jokes though for it. Anyway...yeah here it is everybody, the new chapter. ENJOY!!!_

* * *

_At a Bridge._

Harry Say did they make a new bridge or something? This is made out of stone. I don't recall on seeing it.

Hermione Eh. People has to change Harry Potter. Can't be the same.

Harry So uh yeah. Why were we here again?

Hermione Um...you know I actually have no idea.

Harry Did someone send us here or something.

Hermione Eh. Who knows.

Harry So what do you want to talk about?

Hermione Eh. I don't know. Eh. Anything.

Harry Enough with the ehs.

Hermione Eh. No way.

Harry Oh really then.

Hermione EH!

Harry EH!

Hermione EH!

Harry EH!

Hermione EH!

Harry EH!

Hermione EH!

Harry EH!

Hermione EH!

_5 minutes later._

Harry Finally you stopped.

Hermione Found out the clue yet?

Harry Huh what clue? The game clue. I should really order it online.

Hermione No the egg's-

Harry Eggs will be at the Hogwart's feast Hermione. Don't worry. There will be plenty. That is if Ron doesn't eat them all.

Hermione AW FRICK! THE FRICKEN EGG CLUE! HAVE YOU SOLVED IT YET!?

_Awkward pause._

Harry No not really.

Hermione The task is just in 2 days!

Harry Wait what!? I-I-I thought that it was in two years! NOO!!!

Cedric _Runs to Harry._ You know how you told me about the dragons.

Harry Yeah and I don't give a crap. I'm about to fricken die.

Cedric I have a hint. Go to the Prefects Bathroom with the egg and take a bath.

Harry Do I really smell that bad? I took a shower 3 weeks ago!

_At the Prefect's Bathroom._

Harry I think we skipped a chapter from the book. Oh well. I'm out of my mind. _Opens Egg. Egg starts screaming._ Yup. Exactly what I expected. Okay. What to do with the egg.

Myrtle Why don't you put it in the water?

Harry What? Did you say ut it in the water.

Myrtle Do you need hearing aids, Harry?

Harry No.

Myrtle Well then put it in the fricken water!

_Harry goes down and listens to a song._

Singing We're no strangers to love! You know the rules, and so do I! I! I!

Harry _song continues. _What does this have to do with the task.

Singing I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling! I want you to understand. Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down. _Song stops._ BLACK LAKE! MERPEOPLE! GILLYWEED!

_Harry comes back up._

Harry Myrtle? There's not Merpeople there is it?

Myrtle Ah yes. It took that Cedric boy AGES to answer it.

_Flashback._

Cedric Hmm...Merpeople, Black Lake, Bubble Head charm...

_5 days later._

Cedric THAT'S IT! There's Merpeople in the Black Lake and I have to use the Bubble Head charm! That was easy. _Walks away naked._

Myrtle Oh that is so hot! You are a mean bastard!

_Flashback ends._

Harry Thanks Myrtle.

Myrtle Let's do it now.

Harry Erm no. I'm quite fine really.

Myrtle Oh please please please please please!

Harry Oh alright but only for a few-

_1 day later._

Harry _Comes back from the bathroom with blue kiss marks all around him. _Thanks Myrtle for the make out!

Myrtle No problem! Come anytime you want. I could wait for years!

_At the library._

Harry Anyway, the egg says that it's in the black lake. I just don't understand. Something lake.

Hermione The Black Lake you idiot! It told you everything.

Harry Sigh. I am really depressed today.

Hermione You know there's a spell that could make you breathe underwater for an hour. It's Bub-

Moody Hermione, Ron, go to Dumbledores. He

Hermione Okey dokey! Bye Harry!

Harry But what's the spell?

_Harry pretends to be putting his books away._

Moody Neville! Help Harry with his books.

Neville Hey Harry. Ever heard of gillyweeds? They are wonderful! They are just wonderful! Don't you agree?

Harry Look Neville! No offense but I don't really care about plants. Now if there was turnips that could make you breathe under water for an hour then that will help.

Neville I don't know what turnips are. But what about gillyweeds?

Harry What sillyrings?

Neville Gillyweeds.

Harry Billydeeds?

Neville AW FRICK! GILLYWEEDS!

Harry That was what I said! Gillyweeds!

Neville SIGH! You said Billydeeds!

Harry NO I SAID GILLYWEEDS.

Neville BILLYWEEDS!

Harry GILLYWEEDS

_Near the Black Lake._

George BETS! PLACE YOUR BETS!

Dean Krum will DIE!

George Very good sir.

Ginny Harry will live and I'll get marry him!

Fred As if!

Ginny I read the books and it says-

Fred and George SPOILERS! _Throws Ginny in the Black Lake._

Harry Are you sure Neville? For an hour.

Neville Most Likely.

Harry Most likely?

Neville Well in Herboligy's there has been Saltwater vs Lakewater.

Harry YOU TELL ME THIS NOW!?

Neville AHHH!!!!! EMONESS! _Jumps into the lake._

Harry That helps a lot.

* * *

_Okay so this is how it is. I haven't been updating much because I wanted to read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows but now I'm finished:)! You should read it! It's great. So yeah. I'll updating now. Not sure if I'll have a chance to. Most likely I will. No promise though! ONE MORE DAY UNTIL MEGAMAN STARFORCE! YAY! Anyway updation will try coming._


	12. The Second Task The Lake

_Sorry for ANOTHER long wait. Jeez I'm busy. I should put on what I thinked about Deathley Hallows. I'll probably do it after this chapter. Anyway here's the Second task! Yay! One more task and it's Voldemort time!_

* * *

_At a wooden platform._

Harry GEEZ! Ron and Hermione still isn't here! Pff. It's not like there at the bottem of the Black Lake or something. That'd be funny though. If it happened I'd laugh my pants off! ...maybe to Hermione. I like Ron more.

Dumbledore And here is the Second Task! Your favorite prize would be in the Bottem of the lake!

Krum Holy crap! My broom!

Cedric Holy crap my slingshot!

Fleur Holy crap my lipstick!

Harry holy crap my glassis! Oh wait they're on my eyes. Hehehehehehe!

Dumbledore You have one whole to retrieve it! Find a way to breathe under the lake and you'll be fine. Unless a Grindylow or something comes out nowhere and drags you back up but I would doubt it.

Moody Eat that thing your holding! It may be the last thing you will ever eat.

Harry _Eats Gillyweed._ EMM! Taste like chicken-OW! 5 TONS OF PILLOWS IS HOW IT FEELS! _Coughs from the plant._

Moody Holy crap! The Dragon's back! Everybody look up or you'll die!

_Everyone looks up in the air. Moody kicks Harry into the lake._

Harry I hate you! _Falls into the lake with everyone else._

_In the lake._

Harry OW! EYAH! _Gills are made in his neck and he has webbed feet. _Cool. _A bubble comes out. He sees a bunch of fish._ WHOA!

_Up in the stage._

Seamus What's happening to him?

Dean I dunno I can't see him.

Neville OH MY GOD! I KILLED HARRY POTTER! THAT'S NOT EVEN MY JOB! IT'S YOU-KNOW-WHO'S!

Harry _Does a backflip in the air._ YEAH! _Falls into the water._

Dean and Seamus WOW NEVILLE YOU MISSED EVERYTHING! HARRY LIKE BACKFLIPPED IN THE AIR AND IT WAS SO SO SO-

Neville You're making me more sad!

_In the Black Lake Harry is swimming in the plants. ALOT of tall plants. He stops and drinks a little bit of the water and spits it out._

Harry EWW! IT TASTES LIKE SOMETHING SMOKED IN IT! _Looks down at a couple of gangster fish that are smoking. They are about to shoot someone that looks like a fish version of scarface. _Oh that explains a lot. _Continues swimming._

_Meanwhile Fleur is trying to find out how she got lost. She has the Bubble Head charm on her. A green little monster passes by._

Fleur Oh god! _Something pulls her down._ Oh!

_Harry finally finds Hermione, Ron, Cho, and this girl with a bunch or Merpeople surrounding them._

Harry HAHAHA! RON AND HERMIONE IS IN THE-OH GOD SMOKE! They REALLY polluted this lake! Wonder why nothing has died yet. _Swims toward them. He feels Ron's face._ I feel like a hobo.

_He unties the rope and sees a bunch of Merpeople around him. He unties Hermione's until 4 Merpeople put their tridents on his neck._

Harry But she's my friend too!

Merpeople Only one!

Harry One what? Oh yeah. _Drops Hermione down._ Say hi to my parents please! By the way? What happened to the hot mermaids? Why are you so UGLY!? You didn't watch the Marraquin did you? People dies if they watch it! _Points at a Merperson thats watching Marraquin and is floating back up to the surface, dead._

_A shark appears out of nowhere and takes Hermione. It's actually Krum. The Merpeople are gone. Cedric then appears out of nowhere and taps on his watch saying "HURRY UP!" Harry looks at a girl while Cedric is swimming away._

Harry I'll get extra points for saving her! AH HAH! BA ZING! _Uses a spell to cut the rope._

_Cedric and Cho comes up to the surface. Cho's friend are all happy._

_Harry is swimming up the surface with the girl and Ron._

_Krum and Hermione comes up. Krum turns back into a human._

_Harry is swimming up the surface. Suddenly Grindylows appears out of nowhere and starts attacking him. He struggles around avoiding to get killed by it. He throws Ron and the girl up. Harry continues to struggle with the Grindylows. The gills are gone from him. The Grindylows are somewhat trying to rape him. Ron and the girl is up the surface._

Fleur Gabrielle! Gabrielle!

_In the water Harry takes out his wand._

Harry **RELASHIO! **_BOOM! The Grindylows lets go of him and then swims away. Harry's gills are completely gone making it very very hard to breathe. He couldn't swim his way up. _**Ascendio. **_Harry flies up all to the air and falls hard on the wooden platform._

Hermione Harry! You must be freezing! You did great! Well okay maybe not great.

Harry I came in last Hermione. I SUCKED DOWN THERE!

Hermione Next to last Fleur never got past ze grindylows. Hmm. You also dropped me down expecting me to die but Dumbledore wouldn't have allowed it.

Fleur You saved my sister even though she wastn't yours to save. _Goes to Ron._ And you helped!

Ron I did it all actually. You see I fought my way through the Merpeople and punched right in the face and saw Harry dieing so I saved him but then Harry said leave him down. I wouldn't allow such a sacrifice but did it. _Fleur kisses him. _Mercy.

Dumbledore ATTENTION!Cedric Diggory came first, Victor Krum came in second, and Harry Potter came in last. But I want Hogwarts to win and because of mortal fiber! Harry's in second! YAY ME!

Krum WHAT! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! _Cries like a girl._

Harry YAY! I WON SECOND PLACE!

* * *

_I find this chapter kinda short. Sorry about that. This chapter was half fun and half boring. I didn't like it underwater. Too bad the book and movie did it. I know it wasn't humorous that much but come on! At least it's task two! I might not have to update nowadays but I might sometimes have time. I'll try hard to update._


	13. Mr Crouch is DEAD!

_Here's a new chapter for the story! I hope you will enjoy this chapter. HERE IT IS!_

* * *

_Harry and Crouch gets off a boat._

Harry So you want to help me to win the tournament?

Crouch YES! YES!YES! I want the money! Cough. I mean yes so YOU get the money.

Harry Hmm. Alright then. What's the plan for task 3?

Crouch Oh don't worry! Leave that one to me.

Harry OOoooookay...

Crouch I'll tell you after my death.

Harry Okay. WAIT! How could you talk when your dead?

Crouch Erm. Uh.

Moody Crouch! What are you doing luring Potter in danger!? _Crouch slowly walks away._ And they call me mad!

Harry DUDE! TAKE A PILL!

_At the forest. Harry, Hermione, Ron, Hagrid is walking._

Hagrid 3 years since we met.

Ron Uh no I think it was 500 years.

Hagrid OH YEAH! 500 years since we met.

Hermione What the hell!? 500 YEARS? It's 3 years!

Ron Nuh uh. It's 500!!!

Hermione NO!!! 3!!!

Ron You are so stupid lady! 500!!!

Hermione 3 you brain damaged pervert.

Ron Bushy hair giant forehead! 500!

Hermione 3!

Ron 500!

Harry ARGH! IT'S A SIMPLE 3!

Ron TOLD YOU!

Hermione Told me what? You said 500!

Ron Nuh uh! You said 500!

Hermione No I said 3!

Ron You idiotic freak! I said 3!

Hermione You insolent pervert!

Ron Plastic surgery user!

Hermione GASP! YOU SAID YOU PROMISED-

Ron Promise off!

Hermione I only used it 4 times!

Hagrid Congrats Harry. You started a whole new subject now. Harry? _Sees he's not around._

_Harry is wandering around and sees Mr. Crouch's dead body._

Harry AHHHHHH!!!!! HE'S DEAD! HELP!!!!!!!!!!_ Takes a gun and shoots himself. Water shoots out of it. _AW FRICK! They said it was a gun! I wasted 200 dollers on this. Wait a minute! Crouch said he had a plan for task 3! WHAT IS THE PLAN!?

_Harry is at Dumbledore's door to the office._

Moody HE'S DEAD! ADMIT IT!

Dumbledore Oh come on! Crouch doesn't die like that! He dies and THEN transforms into a bone by you!

_Awkward pause._

Moody That um uh. That kinda ruin the story and the a little bit of the book to who didn't read it.

Dumbledore Oh and would it be true if I say Moody is Barty Crouch Jr!?

Moody YOU IDIOT! NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!

Dumbledore AH HA HA HA HA HA! AS IF! YOU WERE PUNKED!

_Ashton Kutcher appears._

Ashton You were punked! PUNKED! SAY IT IN THE CAMERA! SAY IT!

Moody Oh...I was I was...

Ashton Come on! To the camera!

Moody I was punked.

Ashton YEAH! MOODY WAS PUNKED! YEAH! YEAH!

Moody Please stop.

Ashton You were punked!

Moody YOU ARE SO FRICKEN ANNOYING! _Get's ready to punch him but Ashton somehow disapeers. _Oh yeah and our privacy is no longer private.

Harry Oh crap I am SO DEAD!

* * *

_VERY SHORT CHAPTER. Sorry for no updation AGAIN! I am SOOO busy nowadays. I hope I could update more. I hope you thought this was funny. Oh yeah and the Ron and Hermione LONG talk thing, the reason I did that is because I thought they haven't talked much in this so I wanted them to by doing this. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS CHAPTER!_


	14. The Pensieve and talk with Snape

_Here we are! A new chapter for you all! Next chapter will be task 3! WOOT! WOOT! Here's the new chapter people! ENJOY!_

* * *

_The door opens revealing Harry._

Harry Ah crap.

Dumbledore Harry! I thought you were coming. You could help yourself with these scrabs. But they bite REALLY hard.

Harry OOOOKKKKAAAYYYY...

Dumbledore Don't worry! It's not like a place here will open up reavealing a bowl with blue solid/liquid in it. PFF Like that'll ever happen.

_Evrybody except Harry walks away. Harry walks to the bowl with scrabs._

Harry Are these something you eat? If it is then that would be funny. Hmm..._Takes a whole chunk of the scrabs and puts them in his mouth but then they all bite his tongue. His eyes starts watering. _EYAH!!!! _The scrabs runs away. Harry tries squishing them but then a bowl with blue solid or liquid is in it. _Huh he kinda lied about this not happening. _Harry looks at the bowl._ OH COOL! A PICTURE OF KARKAROFF! _Bowl starts pulling him in._ AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! _Harry falls like you do in the cartoons. He's on a chair and sees Dumbledore. _Dumbledore? Dumbledore?

Dumbledore Oh hi Harry. URP! _Pretends he didn't hear Harry._ LA LA LA LA LA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Harry Aw crap.

_Karkaroff is in this cage._

Crouch I'd want to know names of the illegal use of the cruciatus curse on Shortbottom. _Looks at the book closer. _Oh! LONGBOTTOM!

Karkaroff Well there's...BARNEY! BARNEY!

Crouch Barney is dead. We have all created the song "Barney's dead."

Karkaroff Well um...Darth Vader.

Darth Vader I'd like to say I use my lightsaber or force for torture. Not wands.

Crouch All right this was concluded.

Karkaroff WAIT! SEVERUS! SEVERUS SNAPE! HE ONCE WAS A DEATH EATER!

Dumbledore I say I have full trust on Snape. Yes he once was a death eater. But Hogwarts trust him.

_Snape aims a knife at Dumbledore but when he hears that speech Dumbledore said he lowered it down._

Snape I'll let you live a little longer. BUT NOT UNTIL BOOK 6!

Crouch No more names?

Karkaroff WAIT! I GOT ONE MORE!

Crouch Tell me the name! Tell me the wretched name!

Karkaroff BARTY CROUCH!

_All the idiots in the audience looks at Barty Crouch with a surprised look._

Crouch WHAT THE HELL!? IT WASN'T ME!

_Barty Crouch Jr whistles getting ready to leave._

Karkaroff Junior.

_Barty Jr gets ready to run away but Moody casts a trip jinx at him. The people gets Barty Jr back up._

Barty Jr Hello father!

Crouch You're no son of mine.

_Barty Crouch Jr gets ready to kill Crouch but is pulled away. Harry is also pulled out of the bowl. Harry's with Dumbledore._

Dumbledore Looking at my memory eh? It's called a pensieve. Whenever I have something within my grasp it slips away! _Looks at Harry._ Anything to say?

Harry Well two...one.what happened to that guy?

Dumbledore Barty Crouch Jr? His own father sent him to Azkaban. He has stayed there for a long time but may have escaped.

Harry Well that guy was in my dream. It happened like this.

_Flashback._

Little Person I am getting pissed!

Barty Jr Sorry sir.

Little Person I need you to turn into Alaster Moody using a Polyjuice Potion with his hair in it, take his clothes, teach the students the three Unforgivable Curses, and then turn the cup into a portkey and you'll get a dog treat!

Barty Jr You just told Harry the whole plan.

Little Person I DID!?

Barty Jr Yeah he's in a dream.

Little Person Ohhhhhhhhhh...oh to hell with that!

_Nagini comes into the room._

Nagini There is that old caretaker right outside the room eavesdropping on us and he also wet his pants.

Frank What the hell? How does that snake know! Up I did the devil! ...turn that into devils!

Little Person Oh. Say hi to him for me!

Nagini Oh please kill him!

Little Person Why?

Nagini Look. Fine then. Don't kill him. Just make him not alive anymore.

Little Person Well there's a big difference in that.

Frank Oh crap.

Little Person **AVADA KEDAVRA!**

Frank AH! _Spell misses._ HA! YOU MISSED!_ Spell backfires at the back of Frank's head. Frank dies._

_Flashback ends._

Dumbledore That's it?

Harry Well yeah.

Dumbledore That was pointless...

Harry WHAT THE HELL!? ME HAVING THIS DREAM IS NOT IMPORTANT?

Dumbledore It's a dream Harry! I dream that I win 500,000,000,000,000 dollers everyday.

Harry AW FORGET IT!

Dumbledore WAIT! Your second request?

Harry You really really really smelled in the past. _Goes away._

Dumbledore Well of course not. _Sniffs himself._ Must be the coat.

_At this small place. A door opens and Harry sees Snape and Igor kissing each other. Igor runs away._

Harry OH

Snape CRAP.

Harry AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! AH!!! AH!!! AH!!!!!!!!!

Snape Shh shh! Stop! Stop!

Harry WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?

Snape It's not what you think. We're not homos!

Harry OH MY GOD! _Faints._

_A few minutes later Harry wakes up._

Snape Finally. So what shall you say about this? Lacewing flies. Boomslang scales? You and your little friends are brewing Polyjuice potion.

Harry Oh yeah! We did that last year. It was fun getting into the Slytherin's Common Room.

Snape WHAAAA!!!???

Harry URP! Um I mean! Uh...yeah see ya!

_Harry tries to run away but Snape pulls him back. He ties him on a chair._

Snape You stay there! _Climbs a really really really! Tall ladder. He takes out a small potion and climbs down. _Know what it is?

Harry Um...Bubble Juice?

Snape Oh he read the lable but NO!!! 500,000,000,000,000 points from Gryffindor! It's Veritserum.

Harry Oh so it's a type of yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me! A rum!

_Snape smacks Harry in the head._

Harry OW! WHAT IS IT THEN!?

Snape The strongest truth potion in the world. I might slip my hand by accident and spill the juice into you. One sip of this and you'll shout out the biggest truth you have.

Harry RRRIIIGGGHHHTTT.

Snape Not amused!?

Harry Erm not even a little bit...

Snape Well what if you drink it?

Harry I could the biggest truth so no biggy.

Snape You don't care about what I said? What if I say Voldemort would arise?

Harry I fight him and kick his ass.

Snape Well then what if I say Cedric dies?

Harry I'll kill the killer.

Snape What if you win the Triwizard Tournament?

Harry THEN I HIT THE JACKPOT!

* * *

_Then I hit the jackpot. Heh heh. You guys have been waiting for the third task the maze which is up next! WOOT! WOOT! That will be a fun chapter to read and write. I want third task as an early updation. Thank you for reading this. REVIEWS!_


	15. Task Three The Maze

_For some reason my main file I use to make chapters doesn't work so I have to use another one but nothing at all changes. This is an important chapter. WHY!? Because it's the last task! I hope youi enjoy this chapter. Don't forget to review!_

* * *

_At the quidditch field there are big bushes that looks like a maze._

Harry Reasons for WHY that would be the last task?

Dumbledore It's the bushes! Now Flitwick!

_Flirwick conducks the band._

Dumbledore Evrybody here? Good.

_At the stands._

Fred BETS! PLACE YOUR BETS!

George How long will Harry live?

Ron I don't know..._whispers to Hermione._ How much is one second again?

_Back at the field._

Harry HURRY UP! I WANNA DO THIS!

Dumbledore Yadda yadda yadda! Now Moody has placed the cup and it is only he that knows where it is! If the champions wish to not continue thay just have to emit red sparks in the air. Champions! _Everybody gathers around._ In this you will not find any dragons or creatures among. People changes in that maze. Oh find the cup if you can but the maze can change.

Fleur In ze book there are ze creatures though.

Harry, Cedric, Krum, and Dumbledore YOU READ THE BOOKS!?

Fleur Aw...I feel so left out.

Dumbledore Harry and Cedric were the winners of the second task so they shall go next. Follow by Krum.

_Everybody in Durmstrang are happy._

Dumbledore And then Fleur.

_Beauxbaton girls all cheers._

Dumbledore 1-_Cannon blows._

_Harry walks into the maze and sees Moody pointing left. The maze closes._

Harry Aw frick I'm scared.

_Harry walks straight. He looks around the maze. He looks south of his direction. It was very away from the starting line._

Harry Huh I must have walked faster than I thought.

_Meanwhile at Cedric's point of view._

Cedric My sexy looks won't help me in this task.

_Cedric walks south until the maze starts closing. He tries to run straight so that his bones don't crack._

Cedric Wow this is dangerous. Someone could die in this. I wish I could produce red sparks but I suck at magic.

_Meanwhile at Fleur's point of view._

Fleur Oh god! Why did it have to be so dark!

_She walks straight south and then takes a right for 4 seconds and turns north and screams in despair._

Fleur Anybody here to help me!?

_At Krum's point of view._

Krum Must kill people! Must kill people.

_Fleur is looking around everywhere and when she turns around she screams. Harry hears it._

Harry OH NO! That must have been Krum! I'm coming!

_Harry runs north for 6 seconds and turns left for 2 seconds and then looks at which path he should go. South or more left. Suddenly he sees Krum pointing his wand at Harry._

Harry SPARE ME!

_Krum lowers his wand and walks away._

Harry YEAH! And don't come back! Wait a minute I thought he screamed. Oh well he's fine.

_ Then the same scream starts to scream. Harry goes south for 4 seconds and then goes left for 2 seconds and goes back back up for two seconds and sees Fleur on the floor._

Harry Oh hey Fleur. How ya doing? Why you on the floor and do you why Krum screamed?

Fleur That was me you idiot.

Harry Oh really? _Fleur goes inside a bush._ Huh maybe she needs help going back. **PERICULUM! **_Red firework goes up in the air and explodes. Then a wind starts going on. _Oh crap...

_Harry starts running south trying to avoid the closing of the bushes. He keeps running south and then turns left for 2 seconds and goes back down for 3 seconds and then jumps away in an opening. He sees the cup only 50 feet from him._

Harry YES! _Harry gets ready to run to the cup but then the maze closes it up._

Krum _He appears out of nowhere._ **IMMORBULUS!** _A blue jet nearly hits Cedric._

Cedric Harry get down now! _Harry gets down._ **EXPELLIARMUS!** _A red jet hits Krum. He falls back. Cedric kicks Krum's wand and points at Krum. Harry rushes over._

Harry STOP! STOP! He's bewitched! He's bewitched!

Cedric Get off of me!

_Harry and Cedric runs right for 8 seconds pulling each other away. Harry rips off Cedric's back shirt. They turn north. Cedric pulls Harry and pushes him onto a bush. They turn left. Harry and Cedric sees the cup 35 feet away from them._

Harry and Cedric YES! JACKPOT!

_They start running. The bushes starts closing more intensely, the wind starts blowing very intensely, green vines appeares on the sides, and green vines are appearing on the floor trying to pull them down. Cedric got longer legs so he got the advantage. Cedric is 4 feet furthur then Harry. Harry starts moving his legs even more and catches up with Cedric. Then Harry is a foot more away from Cedric. Cedric paces up with Harry. They are only 12 feet away from the cup. Harry and Cedric runs 5 more feet. But then Cedric gets pulled down. Harry looks at Cedric and then the cup._

Harry YES! I WIN!

Cedric Harry help! Harry!

Harry Have fun dying!

Cedric Harry help because I helped you with that fricken Krum so fricken help me!

Harry Oh hell no! Wait if I help you then I'll be famous for helping a champion in an intense maze! _Harry runs back to Cedric._ **REDUCTO!** _A blue blast hits the vines. Harry helps free Cedric._

Cedric Thanks. You know for a moment there I thought you were gonna let it get me.

Harry For a moment there so did I.

Cedric Wait you WANTED it to get me?

Harry Yeah. That's about it.

Cedric Well at least you didn't.

_Dramatic music starts._

Harry Oh no! The ominous music! Something bad will happen!

_The wind is very intense now. Harry and Cedric runs away as fast as they can and stops for the cup._

Cedric Take it! You saved me take it!

Harry I don't want it! You take it!

Cedric No you!

Harry No you!

_Awkward pause._

Harry Dibs on the right!

Cedric Tall one on the left!

Harry ONE! TWO! THREE! We're going to leave!

_Harry and Cedric vanishes._

* * *

_Wow what a long task. I hope it didn't bore you with they ran left for 2 seconds yadda yadda yadda. I finished this chapter quite fast. Now for the next chapter, Voldemort's arise and after that! DUN DUN DUN! Harry vs Voldemort! Woot! Woot! I hope you liked task three. Thanks for reading. Place reviews in please!_


	16. Voldemort's Arise

_Here's the new chapter people! I think that after 3 three chapters more this story is completed. I have came a long way for this. Also...why is it that Chamber of Secrets, Prisoner of Azkaban, and now Goblet of Fire is gonna all have 19 chapters? Oh well. Hey!? Anyone watched High School Musical 2? It wasn't that bad but the plot's a little confusing. I think High School Musical 1 was a bit better. Alright enoucgh with my randomness let's read!_

* * *

_In a Graveyard._

Harry Say? How'd we get in here?

Cedric The cups a portkey. WOW! IS THIS THE BONUS TASK!?

Harry A BONUS TASK!? Good job using your head for the first time ever! I wonder who will win this though but good job using your head! Getcha Head in the game!

Cedric YAY ME! _Claps his hands, jumping._

Harry Alright enough with London's dance in Suite Life of Zack and Cody.

Cedric So? What do you do in here?

Harry You know that's a good question. Dumbledore could have at least gave us hints!

Cedric Say he did! _Takes out a piece of paper on the outside of the Triwizard Cup._ **_H-H-Harry v-vs Voldemor-r-t. C-C-Cedric will be p-p-p-perisheduh. Perisheduh...Harry vs Voldemort. Cedric will be perisheduh. HARRY VS VOLDEMORT! CEDRIC WILL BE PERISHED! _**OH NO! WHAT THE HELL!? I DIE!

Harry Pff! Took you long enough.

Cedric NO!!! IMPOSSIBLE! I DON'T WANNA DIE!

_A man holding this midget appears out of nowhere._

Harry HOLY CRAP! THAT'S VOLDEMORT!? Get out of the way.

Cedric SHOW YOURSELF! Who are you!?

Harry Get the portkey and get out!

Cedric I'm not leaving you here.

Midget Kill the spare.

Pettigrew **AVADA KEDAVRA!**

Harry NO!

_Green jet of light hits Cedric. Cedric goes in the air and falls onto the ground eyes opened._

Harry You know you could've made his eyes closed.

_Pettigrew levitates Harry onto a skeleton which closed it's cither on him._

Pettigrew Whatcha gonna do now?

Harry I guess I have no choice but to watch.

Voldemort Spill me in!

_Pettigrew dumps Voldemort in._

Pettigrew Bone of the father. _Levitates the skeleton's bone and turns it into fire and spills it in the caldron. _Flesh of the Servent! Unwillingly forgiven. _Takes out a knife and chops his hand off. _AHHHHH!!!!!

Harry You know if it was too much for you then why did you do it? It's not like your creating Voldemort! Pff! Like that'll ever happen.

Pettigrew Cause...I want the Dar-

Harry TOO MUCH INFO!

Pettigrew Blood of the enemy. _Knife stabs Harry's arm._

Harry AH! EH!

_Pettigrew spills the blood into the caldron. It's starts firing. A freaky man starts to be reborned, black magic crosses onto him and makes him a robe. He then gets onto the floor with his bare feet._

Harry Hey Voldy! Long time no see! I didn't see you in book 3...

Voldemort NO! HARRY POTTER! HE KILLED ME!

Pettigrew HEY HEY WHAT ABOUT ME!?

Voldemort DID YOU JUST YELL AT ME!

Pettigrew _Very low voice. _No...

Voldemort DID YOU JUST YELL AT ME!!!!!!! _Spit comes out of his mouth._

Pettigrew SIR SORRY SIR!

Voldemort Good...my wand.

_Pettigrew takes out Voldemort's wand and gives it to Voldemort._

Voldemort Now hold out your arm.

Pettigrew Thank you sir. _Takes out the arm with no hand._

Voldemort EWW!!! I meant the other arm.

Pettigrew Grr..._Takes out the arm with a hand._

_Voldemort taps it with his wand. Voldemort's mark is in the air. Death Eaters appears out of nowhere._

Voldemort Everybody here? Macnair?

Macnair HERE!

Voldemort Crabbe?

Crabbe HERE!

Voldemort Goyle?

Goyle HERE!

Voldemort Malfoy?

Lucius HERE!

Voldemort Good! Everybody's here and I remark myself...disapointed. Not one of you did anything to save me! Not ONE of you! Crabbe! _Slashes his mask. _Goyle! _Slashes his mask._ Macnair! _Slashes his mask. _Not even you...Lucius. _Slashes his mask._

Lucius Master I made a sign! I helped! I created a lost poster. **_Missing Murderer. Voldemort. Last seen-Gordric's Hallow. If found dial 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-0. We are not Death Eaters!_**

Voldemort And so that's your excuse! A pitful sign!

Pettigrew I came to help sir!

Voldemort Just for cowardness but I guess everyone deserves a gift of somekind. _Creates a metal hand for Pettigrew._

Pettigrew Oh oh! Thank you sire! Thank you! I love it!

_Voldemort walks over to Cedric._

Voldemort Oh he was such a handsome boy. _Touches him with his feet._

Harry DON'T TOUCH HIM!

Voldemort OH HARRY! I nearly forgot about you! You know while I was using my time you could have broke that old cither and run away! Idiot.

Harry Oh shit your right.

Voldemort You know how you were the one that lived? I'll tell you the story. It was fun killing people to me so I have done murders. No one was able to kill me because they were so weak and scared. Then one day! I was tired of killing weak targets so I targeted your parents. I went to Gordric's Hallows and killed your father. He had no wand. What an idiot. Then I went upstairs and killed your mother. She also had no wand. What an idiot. Then I saw a hideous looking baby. Just by the look I died. But do you know why I couldn't touch you!?

Harry Because of my cool looks?

Voldemort NO! It's because of love!

Harry From who?

Voldemort Your mom!

Harry Oh yeah...

Voldemort But no matter no matter. _Rushes to Harry._ Now I can touch you! _Touches him in the forehead._

Harry OH! AHH!!! EYAH! UH! OWAH!!!

Voldemort Aw! Aw! AWA! _Mimics Harry's scream. Then he lets go._

Voldemort Come on Potter! Let's fight!

Harry Alright then. I guess it's time for one to one fight to the death.

Voldemort Well I can't die because of the horcruxes.

Harry Wait what!

Voldemort Oh nothing!

Harry Yeah. Uh huh. That is so true.

* * *

_Next chapter it will be Harry vs Voldemort. WOOT WOOT! You know people I really want reviews. With no reviews I fell sad. :( With reviews I'm happy:) I hoped you liked this chapter. _

_P.S. Anyone looking forward to Lego Star Wars The Complete Saga or Indiana Jones? I know I am. I can't wait for them to come out! WOOT! WOOT! Sorry for being random._


	17. Harry vs Voldemort

_Here's a new chapter! WOOT! WOOT! I can't believe schools about to start soon! After all the good times.( Thinks about all he had done.) Oh sorry. I was...daydreaming. Yeah...HERE'S THE NEW CHAPTER!_

* * *

_While in the Graveyard._

Harry Alright. If you want a fight then let me FRICKEN OUT OF HERE!

_Voldemort uses a spell to free Harry from the statue._

Voldemort Pick up your wand Potter!

Harry WHAT!? No die Potter!? I shall kill you? Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!? Wow you underestimated my power.

Voldemort Just pick it up. _Harry picks up his wand. _You know how to duel I presume? Good now first we bow. _Voldemort bows. Harry stays where he is. _Come on Harry, Dumbledore wouldn't want you to forget your manners! I said bow! _Uses imperio without saying anything to make Harry bow. _And now we fight!

_Voldemort tries to claw Harry but misses because Harry rolls out of the way.._

Harry You're so fast! I don't have that kind of speed!

Voldemort **CRUCIO!**

_Harry starts rolling around in pain screaming in agony. He feels like white hot knives peeling every part of his skin. Voldemort stops the spell. Voldemort walks over to Harry._

Voldemort Harry, after you die tonight everyone will be talking about how you died to the face of Lord Voldemort. I have returned. Oh yes. No need to tell people no. People will know!

Harry **EXPELLIARMUS!**

_Voldemort backsfire the red spell at Harry which made him roll over._

Voldemort How do you think your filthy muggle mother would feel? Get up! _Forces Harry to get up with his hand._ **AVADA KEDAVRA!**

_A green jet of light almost hits Harry but Harry jumps out of the way and hides behind a tombstone._

Voldemort Don't turn your back on me! I want to see the lights leave your eyes!

_Harry starts getting bravery and comes out of the tombstone._

Harry Have it your way then. **EXPELLIARMUS!**

Voldemort **AVADA KEDAVRA!**

_A green stream and red stream meets together and smashes into each other._

Voldemort Do nothing! He is mine!

_Harry and Voldemort is 2 yards away from each other and the red and blue ball is a yard way from them. Harry pushes 1/3 of a yard but then Voldemort pushes 2/3 of a yard. Harry pushes 1/3 to Voldemort. Voldemort pushes 3/3 at Harry. Harry blasts 4/3 of a yard but then Voldemort pushes all the way to Harry. Harry has only 1/3 of a yard or else he dies. Harry pushes the beam of light to the middle. Suddenly blue images of Frank, Cedric, and his parents appears._

Harry Whoa! Must be hallucination.

James When the connection is broken you must go. We can hold him for a moment but only for a moment hear me!?

Harry _Nods while pushing 2/3 of the beam to Voldemort who pushes 1/3 to Harry. _Yes.

_Harry pushes 1/3 of the beam to Voldemort who pushes a yard to Harry. Harry pushes 2/3 of the beam to Voldemort. They constently pushes the beam._

Cedric Take my body to my father. I want him to see. Also keep your hands of Cho.

Harry Who's Cho? Never heard of her.

Cedric My girlfriend!

Harry You have lots of girlfriends. The Spanish one you mean? I've gotta fight so shut up.

_Harry pushes with all his might at Voldemort but then Voldemort pushes 1/3 of the beam back at Harry. Harry pushes 1/6 of the back. Voldemort pushes 1/6 of the beam and then thrusts 2/3 of the ball of light. Harry slowly pushes the beam 1/3 to Voldemort. Voldemort then pushes 1/3 back. Harry then pushes the beam all the way to Voldemort._

Lily Let go sweetheart. You're ready. Let go! Let go!

Harry I heard you the first time! _Lets go of the beam. He then runs away all the way to the portkey and disapeers._

Voldemort _Gets attacked by ghosts. _NO!!!

_Harry comes back to the graveyard._

Harry I feel like I forgot something..._Looks around room and eyes Cedric's body. _Oh yeah.

Voldemort Well don't just stand there! Get him!

Harry Shit. **ACCIO!** _Cup goes to him._ Until we meet again! _Pirates of the Carribean music starts._You shall remember this day as you have ALMOST captured Harry Potter._ Vanishes._

* * *

_Yeah. I know. Short chapter. I expected it to be longer. OH WELL! Anyway I hoped you liked this story. ONLY 2 CHAPTERS LEFT! I'm thinking of writing Legend of Zelda fanfic, Megaman Star Force fanfic, or a Harry Potter Fanfic. I'm not sure which one! Oh well. After I finish this story I won't be writing parodies of Harry Potter until Order of the Phoenix is on DVD. Oh well. I might write other parodies though such as Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe or um...I dunno! We'll see what happens in the future..._


	18. Who's the Real Moody?

_1 chapter left!!! Oh my god! I am going to be sad that I won't be writing parodies until Order of the Phoenix is out on DVD. Oh well...I will be writing a story though. Maybe a family guy story would be fun, or a Legend of Zelda story. It's hard to think for an idea for it. ARGH!!! I hope you guys will review it! Here's the new chapter! Don't forget to review please._

* * *

_Harry is back crying over Cedric's body. The dashing music plays, Fleur screams, Krum wails like a little girl. Dumbledore comes over not even noticing Cedric's dead body. He picks Harry's hand up in a sign of victory._

Dumbledore Harry is the winner! YAY! WOOT WOOT! COME ON HOGWARTS! WOOT WOOT!

Everybody WOOT WOOT! WHOO HOO! GO HARRY! WE WON!

Durmstrang BOO!!! BOO!!! YOU SUCK HARRY POTTER!

Beauxbaton Fall in a hole and die! BOO!!! BOO!!! WE HATE YOU FRICKEN HARRY POTTER!

_Harry is still crying._

Dumbledore AW! There's nothing to cry about Harry. I know you were in all that type of danger but you are now rich!!! And best of all! FAMOUS! It's alright your crying. Very normal for Triwizard winners.

Harry No it's not that.

Dumbledore Oh is because the people are being mean to you because they are saying you suck? There just jealous that they lost and your rich! WOOT WOOT! Don't care about them. I'll kill them after this. Will that make you happy?

Harry YOU IDIOT! He's back! Voldemort's back! I couldn't leave him there! Not there!

Dumbledore Who couldn't you leave behind? That thing? _Points at Cedric's dead body._

Harry YES! HE'S DEAD! HOW COULD YOU NOT SEEN IT BEFORE YOU IDIOT!?

Dumbledore Huh that? That's a big doll. Wait a minute._ Looks closer._ OH MY GOD! IT'S CEDRIC'S DEAD BODY!

_Cho starts crying. All the fans starts crying. Well that's everyone._

Cho CEDRIC! WAH!!!!

Amos Let me through. LET ME THROUGH! _Sees Cedric's dead body._ That's my boy! That's my boy! NOOOOO!!!!!!

_Moody appears and takes Harry._

Moody You'll be alright come on.

Amos That's my son! NOOOO! NOOOO!!! NOOOO!!!!!

Ron _Whispers to Hermione_. Did you bring your I-Pod?

Hermione I think so. _Looks at her bag._ Huh! It's not here.

Amos Say someone left an I-Pod in Cedric's pocket! And that was who?

_Fred and George whistles innocently.._

_Meanwhile at the Defense Against the Dark Arts class._

Moody So how was it?

Harry How was what?

Moody Seeing Voldemort.

Harry FINALLY! SOMEONE BESIDES DUMBLEDORE THAT SAYS HIS NAME!

Moody Tell me the description. GASP!

Harry Well he was kinda mad. He looked ugly, he was snake like. He fought me and-

Moody How was it? GASP GASP! How was the graveyard?

Harry Oh yeah. It was very dark and...wait a minute...I don't think...I said anything about a graveyard...

_Awkward pause._

Moody Oh shit. _Looks for bottles with drinks in them but they are empty._

Harry Do you know anything about Voldemort?

Moody _Mimic 's Hagrid's voice._ Marvolous beasts are they? Do you think you could have known that Hagrid knew about the dragons if I hadn't told them in the first place? Do you think Cedric Diggory would have told you to put the egg in the water if I haven't told him in the first place? HUH!?

Harry What...

Moody If Neville never got that Herbology book did you think you could survive under water for a fricken hour!?

Harry It was you in the first place! You put my name in the goblet of fire! The portkey! That was you!

Moody You used your brain. NOW FOR YOU TO DIE! RAH!

_Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall walks in._

Dumbledore **Expelliarmus! **

_Moody is pushed on a chair._

Harry Woot! Woot! I'm saved!

_Snape takes out a knife and points at Dumbledore's neck._

Harry Dumbledore.

Dumbledore Yes yes Harry. We'll take what you have to say later.

_Snape makes the knife go higher to lunge._

Harry _Worried._ Um Dumbledore.

Dumbledore Yes Harry. Wait later.

_Snape drops the knife down._

Harry _Worried and slow motioned._ DDDDUUUMMMBBLLLEEEDDDOOORRREEE!

Dumbledore WWWWHHHAAAT! _Turns around and sees Snape with the knife._

Snape Um er say when do we eat? I'm starving! _Laughes nervously. _Can I give Moody veritserum?

Dumbledore Oh! Why yes please.

_Snape dips the drink into Moody's mouth._

Dumbledore Who am I?

Moody Barney?

Dumbledore Alright-wait what!?

_Snape looks at lable._

Snape Whoops! Lying potion. _Dips his hand into his pockets and takes out a potion and dips it in Moody._

Dumbledore Who am I?

Moody Albus Dumbledore.

Dumbledore Are you Moody?

Moody No.

Dumbledore Is he in this room? IS HE IN THIS ROOM!? _Moody nods._ Harry get out of the way! _Harry runs out of the way. He casts a spell on a chest. It keeps opening up._

_1 hour later._

Harry YAWN! This sure is long...yawn.

Dumbledore Open up! Yawn!

_Chest finally stops opening. They go toward it and sees Moody's body._

Dumbledore Alaster? Are you alright?

Moody Well I had to sorta pimp my ride to get good in here. I ate rats so not really.

Harry Wait a minute. If your Moody! And Moody's there! WHO'S THE REAL ONE!? AH! MY HEAD!

_Moody that was on a chair starts changing looks. His hands snaps, he takes off the eye which moves around everywhere, he starts gasping and is!!! Crouch Jr!!!???_

Harry You were in my dream.

Crouch Jr I'm gonna kill you!!!

Dumbledore Send him to Azkaban. They'll know their missing a prisoner. _Everyone leaves._

Crouch Jr I'll be back! I'll be back like a hero!

Snape _Points wand at Crouch Jr. _How could you be a hero if your the bad guy?

* * *

_Short chapter. ONE CHAPTER LEFT! UGH!!! I guess I won't really be on Fanfiction as much until Order of the Phoenix comes out on DVD but I will continue writing stories! No doubt about that. Thanks for reading this chapter. Oh yeah and sorry for the long wait._


	19. The Final Chapter

_THE LAST CHAPTER! Here it is! I think I might write a Harry Potter spoof of what people would not be allowed to say on the books and movie. MAYBE! Or maybe a Family Guy one. I dunno...so yeah...Here's the last chapter!!!_

* * *

_At the Great Hall._

Harry The seats all full. Damn.

Ron Oh well. Guess we gotta sit on the floor.

Harry Or do we? _Looks at 3 random people._ OY! Get out of that seat!

Random kid But we can't.

Harry GET OFF! I'M 2 YEARS HIGHER THAN YOU SO GET OFF!

_3 of the random kids runs away screaming._

Hermione HARRY! I cannot believe you did that!

Harry What? We got ourselves seats now. SO SHUT UP!

Ron Something feels wrong.

Harry What now?

Hermione Ron's right. That's unbelievable.

Harry Will you just fricken tell me!?

Hermione Well-

Harry WHAT MAKES THAT SO DIFFERENT!?

Hermione Don't you notice-

Harry SHUT UP! WE GOT A SEAT SO DON'T DENY IT!

Hermione _Very quickly._ THEY'RE WEARING DIFFERENT BADGES! _Points at Slytherin's badges._

Slytherins We hate GRYFFINDORS!

Harry Aw shit.

_Outside the hall Dumbledore is coming in the great hall hearing "OW!" And "SON OF A!" And "HHHHEEELLLPPP!!!!" And punches._

Dumbledore Aw. How sweet. Slytherins beating beating up three Gryfindors. How sweet.

_Dumbledore walks in seeing three Gryffindor's running away and Harry's voice saying "There. Happy now?" _

Dumbledore Today we acknowledge a terrible defeat. Cedric Diggory was a sexy, strong, braggy, and handsome man.

Girls CEDRIC!!! WAH!

Dumbledore The Ministry wishes me not to tell you this but it would be terrible not to tell you how Cedric Diggory died! He was murdered by Lord Voldemort!

Harry I think that was wrong.

Dumbledore Oh fine I'll tell you the truth! He was killed by a sissy named Peter Pettigrew.

Ron MY RAT!

Dumbledore No Peter Pettigrew.

Ron Yeah that's my rat.

Harry SHUT UP!

Dumbledore And so Filch will carve Cedric's name next to the Hogwarts castle of the missing, killed, and murdered sign. Filch.

Filch How many letters?

Dumbledore 13.

Filch AW! And I have to carve it with a hammer and nail! It's always the people with the long name!

_Outside._

Filch SOB! Has to be the long names! _Writes Cedric's name under Maloverento Delletarycort and next to Falibrotofet Ghostututufufu._

_Back in the Great Hall._

Dumbledore Now excuse me while I have to take a leak. _Walks away. Severus walks up._

Snape You do know that Dumbledore lied. Voldemort nor Peter didn't killed Cedric. HARRY DID! HE DID IT!

Ron OH MY GOD! I'M GONNA GO UP FOR SALE AS A GAY LOVER. _Punches Harry in the face._

Hermione You need to pay 100 galleons to copy my homework! _Kicks Harry in the nuts._

George I had a feeling you'd do this! Nothing free from Fred and my stocks!_ Punches him in the nose._

Fred WHY WHY WHY? No humor from us anymore for you! _Kicks Harry in the ass._

Cho I'm not gonna hook up with you in the next parody and if in the movie if I do instead of me mad at you! I'm gonna betray you by telling Umbridge even that didn't happen in the book. My friend told her in the books but then the plot would be to confusing! Sorry about that long talk. _Kicks Harry in the face and when he's in midair she punches him in the stomech making Harry zoom far and hit another person._

Harry Snape's lying! I didn't kill Cedric!

Ron PROVE IT!

Harry Prove that Snape's right!

_Murmur of agreement. They all look at Snape._

Snape Well um er...hey I gotta get the laundry! _Runs away._

_Dumbledore comes back._

Dumbledore AH!!! So what did I miss?

Evrybody NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!

Dumbledore Alright. To everyone...CEDRIC IS DEAD AND HE'S NOT FRICKEN COMING BACK!

_Everybody runs away crying._

Dumbledore Finally. I could drink my beer.

_Outside._

Harry Bye everyone! Have a nice life! See ya beauty queen. _Kisses Fleur's hand._

Fleur AH!!! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERT! _Runs away screaming._

Harry See ya dude!

Krum You're not trying to hook me up with you...are you?

Harry What!? NO!!! You aren't right?

Krum What? NOO!!! _Laughes nervously. Goes to Hermione and Ron._ Can I have a word?

Ron AN AUTOGRAPH!? SWEET!

Krum Not you Ron. Hermione.

Ron _Weeping._ After all we've been through! _Runs away crying._

Hermione What do you want?

Krum I was wondering if in book 7 you would like to hook up with me?

Hermione WHAT!? NOOOO!!! I'm going for R-

Krum SHHH!!! WAY TO RUIN A STORY!

Hermione Oops. Sorry. _Looks at you. Yeah that's right! She's LOOKING at you._ Read the book to find out as Harry will-

_Ron appears and punches Krum._

George OH MY GOD! IS THIS THE END OF THE GREAT VICTOR! WEASLEISTA MIGHT WIN!

Fred Gotta hand it you George. It's true.

George Say didn't this happen with the Great Khali getting beat up by Batista?

_Awkward pause._

Fred Sorry Wrestlers. _Runs away._

Hermione _Gets Ron off Krum._ I'm so sorry Victor.

Krum THAT'S IT! WE'RE THROUGH! _Goes away._

Ron YEAH GO BACK TO YOUR BAD ASS SCHOOL WHERE KARKAROFF RAN AWAY!

Harry Hey guys. _To Ron._ I can't do it. Cho is too sad right now.

Ron Just be mean to her and she'll say yes.

Harry Wait so she wants me to be mad at her?

Ron It always works! Trust me.

_Harry walks up to Cho._

Harry Seeing that you have a sad life and so needs someone to hook up with...

Ron _Mouthes._ Be mean!

Cho Yes Harry? Wanted to-sniff-say something.

Harry Um er...I DON'T CARE ABOUT CEDRIC! HE'S DEAD! NOT COMING BACK!

Cho H-H-Harry! How could you!? _Cries even more._

Harry Wanna get together in the next parody?

Cho Sob. Sob. Hold on..._Beats up Harry._

Harry OW! OW!

_Ron hears it and whenever he hears "OW!" He squinches his eyes._

Hermione Your plan seems to have failed.

Cho Sure Harry. I'll see you later.

Harry Okay...Put me back to normal writer!

_Harry's back to normal. Ron stares at Hermione with a smirk._

Hermione Huh. So it really does work.

_Harry runs by._

Harry HI GUYS!

Hermione Hello.

Ron Yo dude.

Hermione Things are gonna change right?

Harry Hmm. Me fight death eater, dementors are back, I become a teacher. Hmm. That's a trick question.

Ron What are you gonna do?

Harry The usual. Fight some dementors, Almost gets banned from Hogwarts, become emo. You know.

Ron We better get prepared for Harry's emoness.

Harry So what are you guys going to do?

Ron You know. Hermione comes to the Order of the Phoenix. AKA. Grimauld Place number twelve.

Harry SWEET!

Ron Your not coming. Just Hermione.

Harry B-B-BUT!

Ron Nope! In a few monthes or so you will.

Harry Damn. No wonder I'll be emo.

Ron Well I guess this year was fun.

Harry Are you kidding me!?

Hermione YEAH! Harry had to survive three tasks, Cedric Diggory was killed, Harry saw Voldemort arised, VOLDEMORT ARISED, Cho is miserable. Wow book 4 is kinda sad.

Harry I didn't finish my sentence. Are you kidding me!? IT WAS FANTASTIC!

Hermione What? B-b-but-

Harry Sure I had to do three dangerous task, Cedric died, yadda yadda yadda. WHATEVER!

Hermione Whatever. At least your not dead.

Harry Yeah. The books are getting more intense.

Hermione You're gonna write will you?

Ron Er no I don't know how to write yet.

Harry Um I'm gonna be sort of emo so yeah. I guess not.

Harry We have one thing to say before this story ends.

Ron Peace to all!

Hermione Get your knowledge to learn!

Harry And have a brave heart.

* * *

_THE END!!! That was fun eh? I'm thinking of writing a story about the maruders going camping for 5 days but isn't all fun with Snape and his 2 other evil friends around, a bear, bees taking their honey, ect. I feel like it...the story's complete but please still review anyway. So yeah. THANK YOU TO ALL REVIEWERS! Keep reading and reviewing! Alright! Alright then. See ya!_


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